Losing Her
by asthalanthil
Summary: Natsuki must confront losing her most precious person...
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

A/N: Special thanks to Jenny Chan.

**Chapter One**

Natsuki stepped into the rebuilt Student Council room and grimaced as the fresh smell of paint hit her nose.

Her grimace grew even larger, because the room was empty, devoid of the presence of any irritating, tea-drinking Student Council Presidents.

She stared at the president's desk in the Student Council, wanting to give it a few good solid kicks. If it was not for the fact that Shizuru still had a month or two left to sit in it, she would have thrashed it into kindling in a second.

And burnt down the whole Student Council room with the pile.

Her frustration level was growing to a fever pitch, having explored practically the whole campus without catching sight of her annoyingly unavailable friend. Shizuru had also been away on business meetings on behalf of the school the past few days, greatly adding to her irritation.

"Shizuru," she said with a growl. "Where the hell are you, damn it?"

A cool, amused voice answered her. "She is in the courtyard, being fed lunch by some rather lovely ladies."

The dark-haired girl whirled around to see the Vice-President lounging merrily against the doorframe.

"Why so eager to find her, Kuga-san?"

"None of your business," she said curtly as she stalked out of the room, pretending not to see the smirk he wore on his handsome face.

She was not exactly on bad terms with him but it seemed that nowadays, he got to spend more time with Shizuru than she ever did and that did nothing to endear him to her.

_I never did have this much problem finding her._

It seemed like she had always been able to find Shizuru. Whenever she needed the Student Council President, she had always been around. Or even when she did not need the other girl, she also seemed to have always been around.

The Student Council room, the library, the garden- She had run into Shizuru everywhere and anywhere but it seemed that nowadays, Shizuru always seemed to be one step away from her.

She reached the courtyard, then listened carefully. Immediately, her ears caught cries of 'Kaichou-san!', 'Fujino-sama' and general sounds of swooning as well as the occasional spat over who got to do what for the Student Council President.

_How annoying that I can't find her and they can. They must've had attached a homing beacon to her or something._

The ruckus appeared to be coming from a large group seated around some trees in the north-east corner, so she headed towards it.

If Fujino Shizuru had been extremely popular in the days before the mysterious incident that ravaged Fuuka Gakuen, she was now a goddess whom everyone worshipped.

Her efforts in rebuilding and restoration of the school were now legendary and the fifteen hour shifts she had tirelessly spent each day in organising and leading set in stone as a shining example of the perfect Student Council President.

Beautiful, intelligent, resourceful and extremely dedicated. There were even rumours that some girls had set up a Fujino-sama shrine somewhere behind the auditorium.

Of course she had been a dedicated president before the incident, but Natsuki knew that her friend had always preferred to work in a very subtle manner, such that it looked sometimes as if she was rather idle.

It seemed that this time, no amount of subtlety could hide the sheer effort she was putting in and even Suzushiro Haruka had had to quit her public grumbling against the Student Council President after being lynched twice by angry student mobs.

"Shizuru..."

There she was, in the exact centre of the mass of girls fighting to be the one who presented a clean fork for her.

"...you got to pass her the napkin..."

"...not fair, I was the one who saw that she needed a fork..."

She looked perfect, the graceful Student Council President lounging on the picnic blanket, a charming smile on her lips. There was no sign of fatigue at all that Natsuki could see.

The dark-haired girl looked blackly at the crowd of admirers and started to pick her way through occasionally having to no choice but to karate chop away a few more rabid ones who resented making way.

The ones who had been long-term members of the Fujino-sama Fan Club scowled at her but gave her space, respecting her as an honourary member of the court as well as her legendary temper.

Then, as she sidestepped a groupie frantically trying to fold paper napkins into hearts, Shizuru turned, and saw her.

Relief coursed through her.

_Shizuru._

---

"Natsuki," Shizuru called out, smiling.

Around her, the groupies stared in envy at the person whom their adored Student Council President called by name.

"Shizuru," her dark-haired friend replied, narrowly avoiding tripping over a pile of what looked like crushed napkins.

The groupies stared in double envy at the person who dared to call their adored Student Council President by name.

"Would you like to join me?" Shizuru asked with a grin, knowing full well that the other girl would rather gargle crushed glass than sit around with the groupies glaring at her.

"What? Uh, I mean, no! But ah... I would like to talk to you."

"As Natsuki wishes," Shizuru said. "Sit here then," she continued, patting the empty space next to her.

"Eh?" Natsuki yelped. "What I mean is, can I talk to you in private?"

All the mini-fights that had been taking place around the Student Council President immediately stopped as the satellite dishes the groupies had for eyes and ears swiveled towards Natsuki.

"Ah, you want to steal me away? Alright then, for Natsuki, I shall allow myself to be stolen away."

She enjoyed the explosion of colour on Natsuki's face very much as the dark-haired girl spluttered. Then she took pity on her friend, gracefully unlounged and got up from the picnic blanket.

As she stepped off, the tide of students grew quiet and parted a way for her, much like the Red Sea was parted.

The black look on Natsuki's face was priceless, and she secretly chuckled as Natsuki led the way.

Her dark-haired friend made for the garden, and then to one of the more secluded gazebos that was often used for a romantic interlude by Fuuka Gakuen's courting couples.

"So romantic," Shizuru said. "Tell me then, what does Natsuki has in store for me?"

"Shizuru!"

A peal of laughter bubbled out of her chest and danced merrily around the gazebo. It had been far too long since she had had the chance to tease her friend like this.

"I apologise," she said, and then beamed in such a way as to let Natsuki know that she was not really sorry anyway.

It was strange then, that Natsuki did not start grumbling at her but instead chose to stare at her with what appeared to be worry.

"Natsuki? Is there anything wrong?"

"Shizuru," Natsuki said softly, surprising her by catching her arm. "Have you gotten enough sleep lately? Enough food?"

"Why do you suddenly ask this, Natsuki? I am fine," she said.

"Shizuru, you look a little thinner and you look a little tired," her friend replied, looking at her.

"So you have been paying attention to me, Natsuki," she said gaily, expecting a blush and an angry retort from her friend.

Instead, the dark-haired girl looked taken aback and a little sad. "I should have been paying more attention to you."

She could have come up with any number of airy words but she did not. There was something about Natsuki that told her she would hurt her if she gave any more flippant answers.

"Don't worry, Natsuki," she said softly. "I am doing more than fine."

They stood in awkward silence for a while, their old, easy silence completely gone and in its place, the polite words of acquaintances.

It hurt, but then again, it had been her fault.

"What is it that you wanted, Natsuki?" Shizuru gently reminded her friend. "I will have to go soon, there is a meeting Himeno-san wants me to attend after lunch."

"Oh," the dark-haired girl muttered. "Actually, I... I..."

Natsuki looked at her feet, then said, "Actually I was wondering if you would be free this Saturday."

_Why is it you are asking, Natsuki? _Shizuru sadly asked her friend in her mind. _I should never have told you... You are so kind._

Aloud, she said, "I am due to attend the handing over of the chairmanship of the tea ceremony club."

"I see," Natsuki said, looking away into the distance.

She should have told Natsuki she needed to go, she should have told Natsuki that Himeno Fumi was waiting.

But there was something about Natsuki that stopped her, and she could not bring herself to disappoint her friend, even though she had set her heart on carrying through with her actions.

"The meeting will end at one-thirty, Natsuki, and after that I'm all yours," she said gaily, even though pain was lancing through her heart at her own words.

_Would it have been that I truly was._

"Picnic, I'm cooking," Natsuki blurted.

She glanced at her friend, surprised. "...Natsuki, what did you just say?"

"I'm cooking."

"I'm sorry?" Shizuru asked, amazement colouring her tone. "Did someone steal my Natsuki away, the one who hates picnics, the one who refuses to step into a kitchen, the one who baked a flat cake, the one who-."

"Stop that!" Natsuki said, narrowing her eyes. "Do you want to come, or not?"

"I see, a victim to test Natsuki's unpalatable mess?" Shizuru teased. "What is this special occasion? You hate picnics, Natsuki."

In return, she got a scowl and an unintelligible reply. "mumbleyoumumblepicnicsmumbleeverytimemumbleIthought"

"Natsuki?"

"I said, you seem to adore picnics! I see you having a picnic lunch almost every day! And I haven't gotten the chance to... To... I mean, we haven't talked for some time now," Natsuki said, her voice trailing away. "What with you being so busy and all..."

The dark-haired girl turned her head to look at the bushes beside the gazebo, but not before Shizuru saw the emotion in them.

_Dearest Natsuki, why do you make this so hard?_

"Then I will be there," she replied softly. "I look forward to your cooking."

The awkwardness fell over them again, neither saying anything and both not meeting the other's eyes.

_Natsuki, I'm so sorry._

"Excuse me now, Natsuki, I have to go. I will see you Saturday."

She smiled as she said goodbye, then walked away.

Any more of Natsuki's suddenly vulnerable eyes and she would break her resolve.

- 8 -


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Curses and loud noises came from the kitchenette, causing Mai and Mikoto to look dubiously at each other.

Natsuki had been inside since morning and the decibel level of the chaos in the kitchenette was definitely increasing per hour. The slightly weird smells that wafted out from time to time did not increase their confidence level either.

"Mmmm... Shouldn't Mai have a look at what Kuga-san is doing in the kitchen?" Mikoto asked, a doubtful look on her face. "What if she hurts herself? What if Mai can't ever cook in there again?"

Mai had to grin at her friend's words. "Mikoto! You're just worried about your food! Besides, Natsuki told me not to interfere."

"Can't help it," Mikoto said mournfully. "It's coming close to lunchtime... I'm so hungry."

Large circles of hunger spun in front of the small girl's eyes and Mai could only pat her back in sympathy.

"Don't worry, Mikoto, you know I can cook pretty fast."

"Okay," her friend said in a glum tone.

Mai laughed and ruffled her hair. "Mikoto, it's really just eleven. You're hungry so fast, I wonder if you have worms-"

A sudden loud clang ricocheted through their dorm room, causing Mai to jerk to her feet in surprise. Mikoto gave a sudden yowl and dropped instinctively into a fighting stance.

They looked at each other and as one, they ran into the kitchenette, into a scene of utter catastrophe.

"Natsu-Aargh!" Mai yelled, and continued yelling as she slipped and slid around in a puddle of yolk and eggshells.

Luckily, her more nimble roommate managed to avoid the yolk slick and jumped to the side, pulling her to safety at the same time.

"Kuga Natsuki! Whatever are you doing?" Mai said in astonishment.

Her dark-haired friend appeared to be doing a mad rain dance, hopping from one leg to the other, with a thumb stuck in her mouth. She held a potato in her other hand, which she was doing a good job of crushing, as hard as it was.

As their dumbfounded eyes watched, there were several eggs crunching underfoot from which she was evidently attempting to press yolk.

"Mai," Mikoto said, in a dubious tone after a few seconds. "Do you make omelettes like this?"

The other girl stifled a mad chortle in her throat. "I think only when someone I don't like is eating it."

Natsuki finally took out her thumb to yell, "#$!"

They stared at her, until she finally realised that her arms were akimbo and she had managed to crush all the eggs on the floor into a smoothly blended, disgusting looking paste.

Her face turned a deep purple colour and she suddenly seemed to find her thumb extremely interesting.

Mai's surprise and amusement faded into a little annoyance. "Natsuki! You messed up my kitchen!"

"I didn't mean to," was the cross reply. "I burnt my thumb."

"Well, you did!" Mai replied, equally as cross. "And who asked me not to interfere at all?"

She got a hard glare and for a moment, she anticipated the rough words that were about to come, so typical of their sometimes turbulent relationship.

Instead, the set shoulders slumped and the green eyes held a dejected look in them. "Well, I'm sorry..."

Mai coughed as she swallowed down the retort on her tongue. There was something despondent in her eyes, something that made her feel like patting Natsuki the way she patted Mikoto.

Something told her that it would not be as welcomed, so she immediately discarded the notion and cautiously asked, "What were you trying to make, Natsuki?"

"It doesn't matter," came the curt reply. "I don't think I'll be able to, anyway."

Mai was taken aback to hear that there was something hidden in the curtness, something sad.

_Natsuki? Oh dear... How do I handle this?_

"Uh, Mikoto, why don't you go find your brother and ask him to eat lunch with you?"

"But I want to eat Mai's ramen!" Mikoto wailed.

_Oh boy..._

"I'll cook a double portion for you next time!"

"Okay!" Mikoto beamed and skipped out of her kitchen, easily bribed by the offer. A few seconds later, they heard a goodbye and the door slamming shut.

_Right, that was the easy part,_ Mai thought, hurriedly quashing guilt at employing bribery so blatantly. She then turned to Natsuki, who appeared to be staring at her mushed potato. The injured thumb was red and a small blister was forming.

"Natsuki?" Mai ventured carefully.

There was no answer.

"Natsuki?"

The dark-haired girl kept looking at the potato and mumbled very quietly, "I can't even do this for her."

_Do what? For who? _Mai blinked, utterly clueless about Natsuki's sudden need for culinary experimentation.

"Ummm. Can I help?" She asked, unsure of what was going on but something in her wanting to soothe that lost look on Natsuki's face.

"I want to make a good picnic basket," Natsuki said gruffly. "An omelette... A chicken mayonnaise sandwich..."

_Oh my goodness! Is Natsuki... Is she?_

It seemed as if there was a hint of tears in Natsuki's eyes, despite her seeming calmness.

Mai panicked a little. It was not usual for the stoic and gruff girl to even appear as if she might cry.

"Ehhhhh... Okay Natsuki, let's do it!"Mai said, loudly, cheerfully and a little too fast. "I'll help you!"

Natsuki turned to her and said softly, "Fat lot of good I am, not being able to do this by myself."

She could not help it, she gingerly patted Natsuki on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Natsuki, sometimes you just need help if you're not good at it and... I'm sorry but I really don't think you're good at this."

The dark-haired girl gave her a shadow of a scowl.

"So what's the occasion?"

The shadow strengthened into an actual one and Natsuki's cheeks became tinged with red.

Her eyes glared a silent message of warning to Mai.

Mai glared back and poked her.

"Yowwwww!" Natsuki screeched, leaping a mile high in the air. "Tokiha! What was that for?"

"That's for not telling me!"

Mai stuck out her tongue.

A second, then two passed, then Natsuki barked out a short laugh.

"Mai," she said grumpily and then she gave Mai a reluctant smile. "Thank you for your offer."

"I think," Natsuki continued, looking around ruefully. "That I badly need your help."

"Say that again!"

"Mai!"

A trying twenty minutes passed for both of them. Natsuki kept insisting that she wanted to do everything herself while Mai had to fight her instincts to just butt her friend out of the way and take over the cooking.

Finally, she settled for yelling at Natsuki from about a metre away, which seemed to work.

"...don't crush any more eggs, tap, Natsuki, tap!..."

"...you're joking, that much pepper?..."

"...NOOOO! That's sugar..."

"...ah, good good..."

"...Natsuki, that much mayonnaise kills the person eating it!..."

It seemed that Natsuki had her heart set on making a mushroom omelette, potato salad, chicken mayonnaise sandwiches and cheesecake.

Mai shook her head, wondering why Natsuki was going to so much trouble. The extreme annoyance on her face appeared to be matched with a grim determination.

"Natsuki, are you sure about the cheesecake? I don't think we have enough time."

Her friend's face fell. "Oh."

There it was again, the thing that made her want to comfort Natsuki but she just sighed and said, "I'll just reduce the portions. They'll take much lesser time that way, but you'll get mini-cheesecake, alright?"

"Alright!" For a moment, Natsuki's face lighted up.

_Goodness, Natsuki, if you looked like this all the time, all the guys would be falling all over you,_ Mai thought with some irritated fondness.

"Can we finish by one?" Natsuki asked hopefully.

As if to answer her, the oven gave a cheery '_ping!_'.

"With time to spare," Mai said. As she put on her oven mitt, she saw Natsuki's lips twitch into a half-smile.

"That's it! Natsuki, would you just please tell me about this picnic?" Mai asked.

The other girl looked at her mulishly.

"I let you violate my kitchen, gave you my secret recipes and helped you with the cheesecake...," Mai said, raising her eyebrow.

"Alright, alright, it's a picnic for Shizuru," Natsuki said with a scowl.

"Kaichou-san?" Mai asked in an incredulous tone. "Why does she need a picnic? Kaichou-san gets girls making picnics for her all the time. I don't think she ever needs to buy food at all actually."

It was extremely interesting, as well rather worrying to see Natsuki's face attempting to turn pale and purple at the same time.

"Na... Natsuki?"

"I know," the dark-haired girl said quietly.

_You know that girls make Kaichou-san picnics all the time? And you're making her a picnic lunch? Uh, Natsuki?_

"Do you want to tell me what exactly is going on?"

---

"You ended on time?"

"Yes," she said, walking over to her desk.

"I had thought all the crying would have made it end later," he said with a smirk.

She replied, "I heard about the handing over ceremony of the art club and decided to start it earlier."

The ex-Chairman of the art club, also her Vice-President, winced, then shrugged, giving a smile of defeat, like most times.

Shizuru merely raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"By the way, some mail came for you."

"Thank you, I was waiting for it."

As he passed her a stack of letters, their fingers touched.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," she replied.

He hesitated as if he wanted to say something, and she saw in his eyes, the friendship that had always been there between them. Silent but tangible. Distant but with an underlying warmth that both cherished.

But he said nothing, so she simply said goodbye and left.

She knew he understood, like he had always had.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

Also read at own risk ) Maybe I will just warn of a _leedle_ angst ahead...

**Chapter Three**

She highly regretted poking at the mini-cheesecake. The part she had touched had immediately crumbled under her impatient finger.

"Damn it," Natsuki swore as she tried to pat back the crumbs into a cake shape.

The whole piece crumbled. She decided that it would be a wiser move to close the picnic basket, although her fingers twitched to poke at something.

Looking at her watch, she saw that it was one thirty-three. No Student Council Presidents were in sight.

She fidgeted on the stone bench, fighting the urge to open up the picnic basket again, itching to do something while waiting for her friend, who possibly, was too busy to come.

_Shizuru won't ever go back on her word_, she thought, annoyed at herself.

But she could not assuage the small anxious voice that told her Student Council Presidents had better things to do.

Better things than to hang out with an almost dropout, who was close to failing out of school.

_That never stopped her before_, she told the small voice crossly.

_You never told her you didn't return her feelings before._

The thought stopped her cold but before she could explore it further, she heard measured steps on the garden path.

A moment later, the Student Council President appeared around the bend, smiling.

"Natsuki," she said, and her smile was warm.

An answering half-smile came of its own volition and tipped up the corner of Natsuki's lips.

"Shizuru."

The Student Council President sat on the seat beside her and leaned towards Natsuki, her lips coming extremely close to the dark-haired girl's ear.

Natsuki froze, her heart pounding as Shizuru's warm breath tickled her skin.

"Natsuki..."

"Huh?"

She could have sworn that Shizuru's lips were about to touch her ear. Any nearer and she would leap off the seat.

Light and lilting, Shizuru, so damnably _close_, said...

"I brought charcoal pills."

There was a second of silence as Natsuki tried to process the information through a sensory overload heavily laden with panic.

"Idiot!" Natsuki yelled as all the blood rushed to her face.

Her answer was a fit of girlish giggles as the Student Council President indulged in her mirth.

She should have seen it coming, she should have guessed. Shizuru took a perverse pleasure in teasing her every time she could.

But there had been a part of her that had frozen, because she had thought, just for a moment...

That those feelings they had not talked about since after the defeat of the Obsidian Lord had resurfaced again.

_Shut up, don't think about that._

"If you don't stop laughing, we'll never get to eat," she said, as gruffly as she could.

The giggles immediately stopped and the Student Council President looked at her with a serious expression.

"I'm looking forward to eat whatever Natsuki has prepared," she said.

And there was such a simple conviction in her friend's voice, that Natsuki knew without a doubt, that it was true, even if Shizuru secretly wondered if whatever Natsuki had prepared would send her Kyoto tastebuds screaming in revolt.

It was things like this that had made her love Shizuru, the honest and sincere words which had slowly warmed her. Those little words, little actions here and there, that had saved her soul from plunging down the dark ravine with the wreckage that had been her life.

She said nothing as she opened the basket, but her heart was full.

Her friend peeked curiously into the basket as Natsuki brought out the utensils.

"Natsuki, what's that?" Shizuru asked.

"Why're you so impatient?" Natsuki grumbled as she passed out the most precious item in the basket.

The Student Council President took the mayonnaise, a smile dancing on her lips. "So am I too slow, or too fast?"

The dark-haired girl responded by shoving the whole set, carefully prepared on a little tray, at her.

Shizuru's smile slowly died away as she looked at the set.

_What? What? Is it _really_ so bad?_

"You remembered," Shizuru said softly.

Everything from their first picnic together, the picnic in which Natsuki had been bamboozled into participating.

She tore her gaze away from Shizuru and looked at the floor. If she had held it a moment longer, she would have had tears in her eyes.

_Thank you... This was the least I could do for you._

"Mmmm. Try the sandwich, I hope it's the same," she said, still looking at the floor. "I remember that it was very good."

"I remember that it had a lot of mayonnaise," her friend said with a hint of laughter in her voice as she unwrapped the sandwich paper. "And I remember that you ate my share too."

She looked back up in protest. "You didn't want it."

"Natsuki, that much mayonnaise would kill anybody eating it," Shizuru replied, her eyes crinkling. "Except you, apparently."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. "That's why yours is the lite version."

_I don't understand why Mai and her don't get it... Can't they taste it? The more there is, the better it tastes..._

"Itadakimasu," Shizuru said before taking a bite out of the sandwich.

Natsuki nervously watched her face, seeing the Student Council President looking extremely thoughtful as she chewed.

She knew her friend had exquisite table manners and would never talk with food in her mouth, but that did not make the wait any more bearable.

"It's edible," her friend said.

Her face fell. "I see."

"Natsuki, it's edible _and _delicious," Shizuru added, beaming. "It is even better than the one that day, which was from the Crystal Delicatessen."

_Crystal Delicatessen? _That was the most expensive deli in town, where all their employees were better dressed than most people on the street and where a sandwich costed a week's allowance.

No wonder the mayonnaise had tasted so exquisite.

"Really?"

Shizuru was already taking another bite but her eyes showed her smile.

The dark-haired girl felt pleased. Her friend's taste tended more towards Japanese food and if she had found it delicious, her efforts had more than hit the mark.

"This is good," Shizuru declared after the second bite. "Mmm..."

Her brow crinkled as she wondered whether it was really good or if Shizuru was just trying to be polite.

"Natsuki," her friend said, laughing. "If you don't eat your own sandwich soon, I might just take it in return for the one you ate three years ago."

She put her hands over her sandwich protectively. "That's yours and this is mine."

The Student Council President's laughter rang in the small gazebo as Natsuki put on a look of fierceness.

It was good, she thought, to be with Shizuru again. Just like they were.

---

It was such sweet torture to be with Natsuki, almost as they were, but not quite. Those green eyes, normally so guarded, now occasionally soft and open.

Those green eyes, normally far away and staring into the distance were now looking into hers, full of trust and friendship.

_Would you still look like that? If I tried to kiss you now?_

But she said nothing, desperately wanting to keep things normal, or at least to the level of normalcy that had existed before all went to hell.

She used the excuse of eating to keep quiet but it was easier than it would have been because the sandwich was genuinely good. And because she had not been eating well the past few days.

Perhaps the past few weeks.

The sandwich was so good that she finished it in five minutes. The omelette, the mashed potato, they tasted very good as well.

Shizuru wondered if it was the actual taste or Natsuki's care that made everything delicious. Or perhaps it was everything plus the realisation of her hunger.

Suddenly, she heard her name.

"Shizuru."

"Hmm?"

"I've never seen you eat so fast before... In fact, I'm also not sure if I've seen anybody eat so fast without looking as if they're stuffing their mouth," her friend said, trying to smile.

"My apologies... I was thinking," she replied.

"About?"

_What answer can I give you? That I'm still thinking about you in ways that I shouldn't? That I didn't realise I haven't eaten well for so long?_

"Natsuki," Shizuru said, adding mischief to her tone.

"Huh?"

"I was thinking about Natsuki," she said, smiling.

The blush and the momentary outrage did not come. Instead the green eyes softened and her friend said, "I see."

Her stupid hopeless heart gave all kinds of flip flops and twinges at the soft look on Natsuki's face, made her feel as if there was hope when there was none.

When it came to this girl, most of her sense and almost all of her control went out the window, falling hopelessly after the heart that had already fallen long ago.

She already desperately wished to rescind her decision, and in fact, was dangerously close to turning back on her path.

Now, she saw the love that Natsuki bore for her, tangible to see, shining and pure. It warmed her, even as she tried to distance herself from it.

_My Natsuki... But you're not... _

_It is I who is weak, and who cannot cope with such a love..._

_That is why..._

"Thank you, Natsuki."

There was a mumble that sounded like 'nah, it's okay' and a pleased but embarassed look on her friend's face.

She smiled, telling her friend she appreciated the picnic and patted Natsuki's hand, making the blush spread along the fair cheeks even more.

With clinical detachment, she wondered at how it was possible for her to feel so horrible and so happy at the same time.

Fujino Shizuru, caught between Heaven and Hell.

---

The bandage was excessive, she felt, but it was so neat and well done that she could not complain.

Shizuru had seen the broken blister, and after the picnic, had frogmarched her to the Student Council Room, where she had promptly whipped out a fully stocked First Aid kit.

There was something about the Student Council President's expression, at once both serious and gentle, that had made her...

_Happy._

_Yes, I'm happy._

The irritation of the past week had seemingly vanished, as if it had never appeared in the first place.

_I guess it's really nice... To not be alone._

A kernel of warmth settled in her stomach as she remembered the intent look in Shizuru's eyes. It was strange how the Student Council President could make something as simple as bandaging intense and graceful simply by the look in her eyes and the competent movement of her fingers.

Perhaps it was because her friend was rarely so serious and rarely seemed to do anything with such serious intent.

She simply shrugged it off, feeling more relaxed than she had the past week. Everything was alright, Shizuru was alright. They were more alright than ever.

It seemed that the awkward issue of Shizuru's feelings was far behind them now.

She closed her eyes, and slept.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"...Kaichou-san, last Friday..."

Natsuki slowed down her walk at the mention of the Student Council President, trying to appear nonchalant. It had been some time since she had spoken to Shizuru, and she was curious at the latest piece of news concerning her.

There were three girls in a corner, chatting animatedly, so she pretended to be waiting for somebody beside the corner plant.

"...Kanzaki-san, standing so close to her!..."

"...Eeeeek! Talking intimately, you say..."

"...always been sure they are secretly together..."

Natsuki tossed her hair in irritation and stalked away from the corner. It was old news, this seeming relationship between the two heads of the Student Council.

"...thought they would kiss!..."

The whole corner of girls squealed and sighed, dreamy hearts appearing over their heads and bursting their bubble on an annoyed Natsuki.

She hurried away to avoid the bubbles, scowling and marching down the hallway towards the Student Council Room.

_Last Friday...? I couldn't find her last Friday..._

It was true that things had seemed to be alright after the picnic. Shizuru had become more openly affectionate, to the point of embarassing her sometimes, but nothing, nothing had flickered in her eyes except friendship.

Sometimes she would be caught unawares and glomped from behind, cursing and spluttering as an amused Shizuru said hello into her ear.

But truth be told, deep down inside her, she loved those moments of affections.

Although sometimes the touching became a bit too much, she had to admit, the feeling that Shizuru liked her and cared for her always made her... happy.

The thing that was disturbing her was that she had not spoken to Shizuru since Wednesday. And even before Wednesday, she had only managed to speak to the Student Council President in passing.

_Well, it's not as if you don't have other friends now... Give her a break, she's so busy..._

Natsuki sighed at the thought of hanging out with Mai and the rest. They always seemed to want her to talk more than was her inclination.

She preferred just Mai and Mikoto, but Mai was a hugely social being, who liked interacting with many people. Mai was also being courted vigorously by both Tate and Kanzaki.

_Idiot playboy Kanzaki_, she thought with a scowl.

Only Shizuru seemed to understand that sometimes she did not want to talk and that did not mean that she was feeling unfriendly. Only her calmness stilled the restless anger that would always be a part of her.

Natsuki stopped suddenly in the hallway, causing a sudden jam.

She had not realised how... necessary Shizuru's presence had become in her life. Yes, she had acknowledged that it had changed her life, but she had never realised that she had come to depend on Shizuru being around.

"Kuga-san."

_Selfish me, seeing this only when Shizuru does not have the time for me._

"Kuga-san!"

A hand came down on her shoulder. She started violently and jerked her hands down, expecting any moment to feel the cold, comforting weight of her Element drop down into them.

"Kuga-san?"

Battle-ready adrenaline quickly faded into embarassment as she realised that she was looking into Harada Chie's concerned face. She blinked.

Other students pouring out of their classes and down the hallway were having to detour around her, like a river around a boulder stuck rebelliously in the middle of the channel.

"Is everything alright?"

She gathered the remains of her pride around her and said, as confidently as she could, "Yes it is, nothing is wrong."

The other girl gave her a puzzled glance, then nodded.

"See you around, Kuga-san."

But Natsuki Kuga was already making her way to the Student Council Room, as fast as her legs would take her without appearing undignified.

---

"Thank you for... ah, helping me, with Tsubasa-san," Kanzaki said, his voice amusedly rueful.

"You can consider it part of my job, no? To protect the Vice-President of the Student Council," she said it evenly, knowing full well that he would hear the implied smirk in her words.

They had not expected Tsubasa-san, one of the most respected businessmen in the community, to have taken a stong interest in the contours of Kanzaki's backside, going so far as to pinch it.

But they had just smoothly slid impromptu into an adhoc routine of boyfriend and girlfriend when his hands started to really wander.

Although Shizuru had let one or two seconds slide by before she further impressed upon the businessman that Kanzaki preferred to play on the other side of the fence.

"What, protect?" Kanzaki protested. "You were drinking tea most of the time."

She gave him a light smile. "You did seem to reciprocate his attentions. So I waited to be sure."

"I was trying to be polite."

"Is that what it is called?"

"Shizuru-san!"

She paused at the door to the Student Council Room. "I must admit, his expression of disappointment was rather amusing."

The image of the pout the extremely sober-looking businessman had worn popped into her mind, and it appeared, Kanzaki's as well.

They looked at each other and laughed.

Still chuckling, she opened the door, only to see Natsuki sitting on her desk, her friend's face an unreadable mix of emotions.

Natsuki appeared almost angry.

"Natsuki?"

"Kuga-san," Kanzaki said, smiling. "Good to see you. Please excuse me, I do not want to interrupt you two."

Her dark-haired friend looked even crosser and merely scowled at the Vice-President.

"I will see you, then?" Kanzaki asked her softly.

She nodded, and then he left.

"Shizuru," her friend said, not meeting her eyes.

"Is there something wrong, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked, immediately moving to her friend's side.

"Nothing, nothing wrong," the dark-haired girl mumbled.

She seated herself beside her friend and smiled at her, tamping down the urge to slip an arm around the dark-haired girl.

It seemed that Natsuki was like some kind of intoxicating drug she could barely resist.

The more she had, the more she would crave and that way only led to disaster for both of them.

"So what is Natsuki up to these days?" Shizuru asked, smiling.

Perfectly affectionate, perfectly friendly but words that worked at creating distance between the two. It was something Shizuru would never have asked, preferring instead, that Natsuki tell her whatever it was that she would grudgingly reveal.

Even if the dark-haired girl did not notice, every thing she did and every word she said was carefully chosen to hasten the separation process, yet cushion its pain from Natsuki.

_I'm so sorry Natsuki..._

"...Nothing much," the dark-haired girl finally admitted. "I've been working on my motorbike and checking out some new routes."

Her friend turned back her head to look at her, and suddenly, Shizuru saw that open, soft look again.

She could almost see the words that Natsuki was about to say. _Would you like to go on a ride?_

Trembling inside but perfectly poised outside, she preempted it and said, "I hope you will enjoy your rides then."

She topped it off with a smile and saw that soft look die, as if she had used her Naginata to strike it.

"I will."

So this was what it was like to hurt the person one loved. It was like slowly and surely tightening a barbed wire around the skin.

It cut every time she breathed.

After a short pause, Natsuki said, "How was your day? What did you do?"

Something inside her cried out at driving the taciturn girl to this point, that Natsuki was making effort to find her out and talk to her.

But she could not be weak, because she had been weak once, and failed Natsuki.

So she said, "Mmm, Natsuki asking after my day... Well, I would have to have to say that it is not complete until..."

She leaned in close and wrapped her arm around Natsuki's waist, who immediately stiffened.

Pressing closer, she murmured into the dark-haired girl's ear, "Until I have made Natsuki blush."

The expected reaction happened as Natsuki burst, "Idiot!" And sat there silently fuming and blushing as Shizuru let go and gave her own expected reaction of merry laughter.

_How easy it is, to manipulate the actors in a play, even oneself..._

She got up smoothly and went to her desk drawer. "Actually, I have been considering my choice of colleges."

Extreme irritation and embarassment died away from Natsuki, to be replaced by puzzlement. "Colleges?"

Shizuru took out the stack of letters and placed them on her desk. "I've been solicited by some colleges, and was wondering which to choose."

The dark-haired girl looked at the pile. "Some? That's a lot..."

She merely smiled and sifted through it.

Very quietly, Natsuki said, "I had always thought you would go to Fuuka University."

For a moment, Shizuru's fingers stilled on the letters.

_What does it mean, when you say something like that, Natsuki?In that tone?_

It meant nothing that she did not already know. Natsuki liked her, loved her and would miss her if she went away so far.

She focused on the bittersweetness of that thought and nothing else.

"Where would you go?"

"I have not decided yet," she replied, and then changed to her tone to something light. "Perhaps somewhere with many cute girls."

Natsuki's eyes bulged and she gave a scowl. "Trust you to think of something like that, Shizuru."

"But I'll miss this cute girl here, most definitely"

Her words were flippant, her tone was flippant, her face was flippant and playful.

Her heart meant every word, deeply.

---

As Shizuru spoke, Natsuki felt as if someone had handed her a kimono and a tea bag, asking her to perform the tea ceremony.

She did not know what happened, did not know what to do and did not know where to even start.

She did not know if she was capable of doing whatever it was she had to do.

_College..._

Anger and fear, her old companions, took their places inside her once again.A sense of loss and abandonment lay deeply rooted in her soul, an intrinsic part of her that she barely acknowledged.

She had just barely known again, what it was to give and receive love, but here it was to be taken away one more time.

Instinctively, she reacted, to strike out, to flee. She said, harshly, "Doesn't matter to me much."

Shizuru said nothing, did nothing, and that playful expression on the Student Council President's face faded to a calm one.

The one that was like a brick wall of serenity.

She sprang off the table and said gruffly, "See you around."

Then she left, not looking behind.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read. As per suggestion from writer-jm, this story will now be graded Romance/Angst. You have been warned... ;;;

**A/N: **Thank you all reviewers for your comments and kind words. Writer is a bit busy with work, writing this story is only possible because sleep was brutally sacrificed :p So my apologies for not being able to reply personally to your reviews. Special thanks to Jenny Chan, who helped make this story possible.

**Chapter Five**

The Student Council President went through the kata mechanically, her movements bearing only a shadow of her usual grace.

Her mind should have been clear, one with her body, yet it persisted in dredging up emotions and memories.

She stopped and took a deep breath, trying to centre herself.

As she cleared random thoughts and emotions, to enter the calm and silence that was the ideal state, the screams in her head would not stop.

The screams of men and women begging for their lives, their voices degenerating into terrified gibberish as her Element began its graceful, deadly descent towards them.

Her fingers trembled around the shaft of the naginata she now held as she felt a sudden urge to cast it in the corner.

She had killed so many, and here she was, practicing with the same kind of weapon as if it meant nothing.

It was true, everything had been reset, all those lives had been restored.

But still, it meant something, that she had made the decision to end their lives so easily.

For a tainted love.

Her naginata dropped onto the floor with a clatter.

_Focus, centre and focus._

She looked at the naginata on the floor, then knelt to retrieve it. It seemed to get no better, her lack of focus.

It should not have mattered, really. She had been trained to be logical, to be cold when it was necessary.

Still, she kept seeing blood on the naginata whenever she practiced.

What was done could never be undone. No amount of school rebuilding could drive the screams from her mind. No amount of pretending could wash away the memory of the look of hurt and lost trust on Natsuki's face.

The only thing she could do now was to make amends.

She began her kata again, the movements coming second nature to her, but they were sluggish and dull.

She had to do this, she had to concentrate.

Or else she would weaken and stay by Natsuki's side, taking the easy way out.

Swing, hold, block, stab. Her naginata went through all the motions but she simply could not centre her mind and heart.

She had to do it. Or Natsuki, who was so kind, would forever be shackled to someone whose soul was stained deep with atrocities.

_For the one most precious to me..._

By the sheer force of her will and discipline, the echoes of the screams faded, the memory of Natsuki's face dimmed and it was only her and herself within the kata.

She finished the set and gracefully settled into the ending pose.

Ignoring the tears that had fallen.

---

Mai saw Chie glance dubiously at Natsuki, who was sitting beside Aoi and trying to look as social as she could with a stony face.

"So Kuga-san, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Ride my bike," Natsuki said gruffly.

"Oh... Anything else?"

"No."

She gave a mental sigh. _Natsuki..._

While she had been glad when Natsuki had suddenly joined their group for lunch, she was now wondering what on earth had been the reason why.

The dark-haired girl only spoke when someone spoke to her and her replies were curt and gruff. She did not even seem interested in the conversation, preferring instead to stare at the floor.

Mai ran through some conversational options in her mind and was about to attempt a light-hearted topic on the effects of the overconsumption of mayonnaise when Aoi suddenly said, "Isn't it fantastic that Kaichou-san is going to Harvard?"

A fork clattered sharply on the table and everybody whipped their heads around to stare at Natsuki.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Chie gave her a sharp look but addressed Aoi's question. "Yes, it is. The results are not even out yet but they can't even wait until then to get her, it seems."

"What?" Mai asked, surprised. "She's going to Harvard?"

As she asked the question, she noticed Natsuki growing very still. _Natsuki? I wonder if you are alright._

"Haven't you heard? They've just invited her to come down," Aoi said, shaking her head. "This is the first time I have heard of a university doing such a thing."

"Well... If I am not wrong, I think one of the Fujinos went to Harvard," Chie said. "Kuga-san?"

It was directed at Natsuki, who had given Chie a shocked look. "How do you know that?"

The girl gave Natsuki a casual shrug. "News gets around campus, especially news about Fujino Shizuru-san. She _is _the school idol, you know."

"I see," Natsuki said rather hoarsely. "She really is going to Harvard?"

"What I heard was that some people from Harvard invited her down for a tour," Chie said.

"Harvard!" Aoi pronounced the English words heartily. "Kaichou-san is great!"

Chie gave a grin. "Suzushiro must be... Really happy!"

The two of them giggled at the thought. Suzushiro Haruka would surely be in an apoplectic fit upon knowing that the Student Council President had gotten such an invitation.

Mai was too busy watching Natsuki. There was something wrong here, the way Natsuki's eyes grew even more distant than usual.

She made up her mind.

"Hey Natsuki, let's go to the restroom!" Mai said loudly and cheerfully, clamping an iron grip on Natsuki's shoulder and dragging her off the chair.

"Wh- What? Ow! Tokiha!"

"I said, let's go to the restroom," she said, taking advantage of Natsuki's momentary confusion to manhandle her towards the direction of the restrooms.

She gave the puzzled Chie and Aoi a smile, and promptly frog-marched Natsuki away from the table.

Once they were safely in a secluded corner, she let go of the tight grip she had on Natsuki's shoulder.

"Ouch!" Natsuki yelped as blood flowed back into her arm. "Damn it, Tokiha, what are you trying to do?"

"Natsuki, you've been behaving rather strangely lately," Mai declared, shooting the dark-haired girl a suspicious look.

"No, I haven't. Mai, you're mad," Natsuki said with a growl, looking as if she was about to storm out of the corner.

"Natsuki, didn't you think anyone would notice? Any time anything about Kaichou-san is mentioned, you-"

Natsuki gave a twitch.

"There, you see!"

"What!"

"You either twitch, go pale or look uneasy," Mai said, frowning. "I'm sorry to go poking my nose into your affairs but... But would you like to tell me anything-"

"No!"

Mai said very quietly, as Natsuki was about to leave. "I know she is the one most precious to you."

The other girl stopped and Mai could see her back stiffen. An aura of danger and violence began to slowly build up, reminding Mai of the first time she had seen Natsuki.

Hellbent on killing Mikoto.

Natsuki turned around, her green eyes burning with anger.

"What do you know about me? Nothing! So don't pretend to know!"

Retaliatory anger started to spark in Mai. Natsuki was a stubborn, bone-headed creature who kept using her emotional stone walls to bash everyone.

"Hey! How can I know if you don't let me know!"

Natsuki narrowed her eyes and yelled, "Why should I let you know?"

Mai yelled back, "Because we're friends!"

For some reason, her words hit Natsuki like a sack of bricks. The dark-haired girl had been about to launch into a tirade but the anger in her eyes turned into astonishment, then...

Pain.

There was utter silence.

Then the pain in those eyes was gone, so abruptly that Mai wondered if she had imagined it, replaced by...

A warm gladness?

Natsuki gave one of her rusty smiles. "Tokiha... Thank you."

She turned and walked away, leaving Mai feeling absolutely flabbergasted.

---

They were very different but in this they were the same.

How they said something so easily, so kindly. Even, in Mai's case, in the heat of anger.

_Friends..._

As if it was a foregone conclusion that they were her friends.

Sitting atop her motorcycle, Natsuki burrowed her face into her hands.

She had not wanted friends, she had just wanted to be alone, to do what she had set out to do.

But Shizuru and Mai...

Shizuru had just calmly strolled into her life, set up shop and started drinking tea, as if she had always been there.

Mai had fallen in by accident, but she too, did not seem as if she was leaving.

_What, does this mean she's going to fall in love with me too?_

Natsuki barked out a short laugh. That was impossible.

Mai had something going on with Tate, although it seemed that Kanzaki was confusing things a little. Not to mention Mikoto...

The dark-haired girl had to admit that she liked Mai, in an exasperated but fond way. Mai was straightforward and generally spoke out what she felt. She was sincere, honest, kind and had a big heart.

Shizuru was a little more complicated.

On the surface, she was the perfect girl, the perfect Student Council President. Charming, attractive, intelligent, personable in every way.

And for most of the time, she had been friends with that perfect girl.

But sometimes, sometimes, at the times they had been most comfortable with each other, she had seen glimpses of the girl inside. Still charming, attractive, intelligent and personable, but with a depth that she had shied away from, not wanting to know another person so deeply.

And because Natsuki had not wanted anybody to know her own self so deeply as well.

And on that painful, fateful night, she had come face to face with the real Fujino Shizuru, as she really was.

Someone who loved, deeply and passionately, who smiled, cried, got worried, was insecure, just like any other seventeen year-old girl.

Natsuki shifted on her motorbike.

It occurred to her that Shizuru was not as dissimilar to Mai as she had thought and she wondered why her feelings towards both were dissimilar.

Mai was like some cranky sister to her; they were always squabbling but she had to reluctantly admit...

She loved Mai.

But it was different with Shizuru. To the question why, she had no answer.

A curse word angrily escaped her lips and she thumbed the ignition on her bike. It sprang to life with a satisfying roar.

The dark-haired girl throttled off, not quite paying attention to where she was going.

She cursed one more time when she realised she had automatically ridden in the direction of the building in which the Student Council room was housed

_Damn._

---.

The Student Council President looked up, frowning slightly..

She could hear a motorcycle in the distance, and most likely it was Natsuki's, because nobody else in the campus had a souped-up Rossi edition Honda Repsol which sounded like that.

Doubtless, she had heard the news and was coming over to verify it.

Despite herself, she found a small smile appearing on her lips. That was Natsuki on a mission, impulsive and a relentless turbo-charged bulldozer rolling over everything in her way if necessary.

She poured a cup of tea for herself, and settled down to face the upcoming storm.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

**A/N: **I'm sorry if I've kind of left this hanging and I hope that you will bear with me. I kayak competitively and had to cram all the work I could into a few weeks so that I'm able to play hooky and go away overseas on a training trip. So here I finally am and there's nothing to do but paddle, write and sleep. HURRAH! My two favourite things. Thank you for your patience. This story will continue till the end. Again, thank you Jenny, for your input.

**Chapter Six**

She stared bleakly out of the window of the plane, watching the grey clouds blanket the earth.

Natsuki was now thousands of miles away from her, back in Japan.

A mirthless smile appeared on her lips. It was actually the same, whether Natsuki was near her or far away from her.

Because in the end, her heart was as unreacheable as the moon itself.

"Please excuse me, Miss, but would you like anything before the plane lands?"

Her brow furrowed as she stared into the green eyes of the stewardess, eerily like Natsuki's own, and then she smiled, her normal perfect display smile softened by a tinge of warmth.

"Ah... Would you like anything? A drink? Coffee? Tea?"

"No, thank you," she said and turned back to contemplating the clouds, leaving the stewardess the tail end of the smile and feeling as if she was about to fall in love.

"Uh... Uh... Please, Miss, if you would need anything, please let me know!"

"I will, thank you," she said softly, looking at those green eyes once more.

The stewardess compensated for her almost-swoon by bowing frantically and left before she started offering the entire contents of the galley to the girl with the elegant, yet haunting smile.

_Natsuki..._ _I'm sorry..._

She closed her eyes, and tried not to remember the look of pain she had left in Natsuki's green eyes.

_I'm sorry._

---

"_Natsuki?"_

It was amazing how she heard Shizuru's voice everywhere, calling her name with that slight lilt at the end, as if she was asking a question.

Shizuru would always say it the same way, whether she was calling Natsuki from her desk, whether she was on the phone, or whether she was breathing it into Natsuki's ear, as she embraced Natsuki from behind.

"_Natsuki?"_

"Argh! Go away! Damn it!" Natsuki yelled, trying to dispel that memory.

A number of students looked at her askance but the force of her scowl made them gulp and continue about their business.

_Damned, damned woman, coming into my life, messing about when she should have stayed clear, making me care for her..._

A small lump came into her throat.

_Caring for me when I needed it most... Standing there, saying nothing but being there for me... Asking for nothing... Not even my... My love..._

_And I... I wasn't even at the airport to send her off..._

Natsuki charged towards the park, where her bike was.

_I... I'm sorry, Shizuru._

Despite her best efforts, she kept wondering if Shizuru turned back to see if she was coming, or if she simply sauntered coolly into the transit lounge without a backward glance.

But with a sinking feeling, she knew that even if Shizuru had turned back...

There would have been no Natsuki standing there.

_I'm sorry._

**----**

"You have got to talk to her."

Mai stared at the Vice-President of the Student Council, sitting at his desk and calmly sipping tea. It was easier said than done and she would have rather confronted a bulldog with a bad toothache.

"Er... Surely it isn't so bad," she offered weakly.

Kanzaki raised one of his eyebrows and said nothing.

She sighed, knowing that he was right. For some reason or the other, Kuga Natsuki had been getting into a lot of fights that day.

First there was the boy at the cafeteria, who Natsuki had claimed was eyeing her mayonnaise and whom she had given a black eye. Next was a fight with Nao at the park, which Natsuki had said was because Nao had been looking at her skirt weirdly.

Natsuki had gotten a sprained wrist and Nao an ugly cut over her left cheek. It could have been worse, but the running club, which had happened to have run past them, had managed to pull them apart before any body parts started flying.

Then, it was Masashi Takeda at the kendo room, with whom she had said she was just sparring.

"Oh," Mai said, remembering. "How is Masashi-san?"

The Vice-President of the Student Council gave a rueful shake of his head. "Takeda-kun was sent off to the hospital after Sagisawa-sensei found that he had a broken rib."

"Goodness! What was the reason Natsuki gave?"

He said wryly, "He was blushing too much.

Wincing, Mai had to conclude he was right. Natsuki was a loose cannon that had to be stopped.

"So will you?"

"Of course I will," Mai said, sighing. "It's just that Natsuki doesn't really let anyone close to her and... And I worry that she won't really want to tell me what's wrong."

A smile came to Kanzaki's lips. "Mai-san, you give too little credit to yourself."

"Huh?"

He came a little closer to her, and said, "It's true, that Kuga-san doesn't let anyone close to her, except perhaps our Kaichou. But I can see that she regards you as a friend."

She looked at him then, his eyes warm and understanding, and perhaps she subconsciously leaned a little towards him.

She liked that part of him, the part that was kind and gentle, the man that Mikoto adored.

_Mikoto... _

Blinking, she stepped back hastily. "Uh, um, thanks."

Smoothly, as if nothing had happened, he said, "Mai-san, please go soon, I fear Kuga-san might get into another fight again, and although I do not fear for her physical safety, I think she might get into more trouble than is good for her."

Mai nodded, her worry for Natsuki washing over that awkward moment.

She gathered her book bag and as she stopped to tighten a strap, she glanced at Kanzaki.

_I hadn't thought that he would be so concerned for Natsuki.. Well, it's good but it's just that..._

"What are you thinking about, Mai-san?" Kanzaki asked her, his warmth taken over by his usual demeanour.

Irritated, she blurted, "I was wondering why you are so concerned for Natsuki."

He did not deflect it charmingly, as she had expected, but instead, a strange expression came into his eyes.

"When she is gone," he said softly. "I stand in her stead."

_Kaichou-san?_

Kanzaki continued, "And her... duties, have become mine for now."

Yet again, she wondered at the relationship between the Student Council President and her Vice-President. She would have not said it was romantic but there was always something between them that she could not quite get, a vibe that seemed to transcend the charming, semi-formal way with which they addressed each other.

"I believe Kuga-san is feeling the effects of Shizuru's absence."

"Kaichou-san? But she's only gone for a week!" Mai said.

"But that week could determine whether she's gone for a long time, or not."

Mai digested that piece of information. "You mean she might want to stay in America, to study?"

The Vice-President nodded.

"Oh! That's great, isn't it? But why's Natsuki so upset about it? I mean... Yes, they're very good friends and all, but to be that upset that she's almost going berserk around campus?"

"During the... Festival," Kanzaki said, his voice a little heavy, as if he were dredging up memories he preferred to forget. "Do you remember, that they were each other's most precious person?"

She looked away from him, as the topic hit her hard. The Festival held many things that she also preferred to forget.

"Yes."

"If you would keep this to yourself, Mai-san," Kanzaki said, quietly.

Mai swung her head back to look at him in surprise. He was extremely serious, all traces of his playboy personality gone.

"You have my word," she finally replied.

"Shizuru... Shizuru has always been in love with Kuga-san," he said, his eyes distant.

Mai sat there, blinking. For some reason, the news did not surprise her, as if she had known it in her heart, but her mind had not processed the information.

"Is that possible," she said, slowly. "Kaichou-san-"

"Makes everyone see what she wants them to see," Reito finished for her.

The harem of giggling girls. The casual, offhanded almost flirty comments towards girls. Never boys. The absence of a boyfriend despite a whole queue of willing and eligible men.

She frowned, as she put two and two together, and got five and a half. All the little instances, the slightly odd expressions Natsuki sometimes got, those fleeting glances of softness from the Kaichou.

Kanzaki grinned at her expression, apparently having deduced her thoughts. "All those things in front of you and you never thought anything of them, did you?"

"I saw a lot of things! And if it was anybody else, I would have thought something," Mai said, shaking her head. " But I didn't! Nobody did!"

"That is Shizuru," he said simply.

"Oh..." she said, her voice trailing off. "Well... Erm... It's a bit of a shock... But... I guess... I have no problem with that... It's just that it's a little surprising."

He grinned again.

"But I really don't see her leaving Natsuki like that if they're together," Mai said, frowning. "I don't know her well and from what you've said, it doesn't seem as if I know her at all... But I don't feel as if she's that kind of person who would just abandon Natsuki."

At that, his eyes turned a little distant again. "Yes... She is not."

"Then...?"

He regarded her steadily. "I mentioned that Fujino Shizuru is in love with Kuga Natsuki and that is... All I said."

"Oh dear," Mai said frowning. "Natsuki does not return her feelings..."

"I do not know," he said. "But... I think that that is the case."

Her eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Natsuki, she knows about Kaichou-san's feelings, right?"

"Yes."

Mai fiddled with the straps of her book bag, her mind in a whirl as she tried to sort the whole mess out.

The Kaichou was in love with Natsuki. Natsuki was not in love with the Kaichou. The Kaichou was probably leaving to study in America. Natsuki had a problem with that.

"Huh?" Mai said out loud.

Kanzaki sighed. "Precisely."

She made up her mind and hoisted her book bag over her shoulder. "It sounds a little complicated but I'm going now."

"Good," he said, smiling.

"Thank you, Reito-san, for letting me know," she said.

His eyes crinkled, and he said, "Mai-san, do not thank me yet, you have yet to confront the bear in its den."

She paused at the door and said, "Reito-san! Don't jinx me, it could be that she's calmed down by now.

She heard his laughter all the way down the corridor and she had to sigh. She definitely agreed with his sentiments.

_I'd sooner strike the lottery than Natsuki would have calmed down..._

_Even without buying a ticket!_

Armed with that merry thought, she marched out to face the bear.

She would have to bring some ammunition.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise –grins-. Don't like, please don't read.

**Chapter Seven**

Today was the day that Shizuru would be back from her tour of Harvard.

Natsuki rammed her head hurriedly into her helmet, a strange feeling at the pit of her stomach.

It was a mixture of fear, confusion and apprehension, but mostly it was fear.

That day, Mai had barged into her room, thrown a chicken mayonnaise sandwich into her gaping mouth open with shock and had yelled at her some rather... impossible things.

"_Natsuki, you're actually a selfish person, do you know?"_

She had not gotten so much as a chance to protest before before another sandwich, this time prawn mayonnaise, got dunked into her mouth.

"_You're going halfway on this matter! You want her as a friend but you don't want to deal with the... The other side of your feelings but here you are being angry over them!"_

"_Wh- Wh-" Natsuki tried to protest but it was impossible through a large mouthful of sandwich._

"_If you want her only as a friend, stop being so angry! Be happy for both of you, and this time away from each other makes it easier for her to let go. You only have a right to be angry if you want to be with her..."_

Again, Mai's words sent a cold slither of fear through her belly. She shook her head and fiddled with her helmet.

"_To be honest, I don't think you're even that good a friend to her also..."_

Her hands slid in her helmet strap, then stopped.

"_...you're actually a selfish person..."_

"_...going halfway..."_

Mai was right, she was selfish. She was going halfway on this matter... And she had gone halfway on Shizuru before.

Not quite committing as a friend, always justifying it with the fact that she had to keep away to shelter Shizuru.

That was true but it had only been part of the truth. There were also other reasons why she had kept away from the Student Council President.

She stared moodily into the distance through the visor of her helmet.

There was the fact that she was afraid of losing yet another person dear to her.

_I had thought that if I had no one dear to me, then I would not have to lose._

_Again..._

She had acknowledged that, that was why she had been able to declare her feelings for Shizuru.

But also, there had been...

There had been something about Shizuru, something that had always been present since they met. That sometimes careless look in her eyes, the way her voice lilted when she spoke, the way she smiled...

_There had been an enchantment you feared_, her mind whispered. _Something you still fear..._

Unease festered in the pit of her stomach as she considered her course of action. She had had two days in which to think, but she still had not made up her mind.

_I... I should let her go... It's better off for her this way... I'm not that good a person to love, anyway. So I shouldn't be angry. _

_I should just wish her well._

Natsuki turned the key in her ignition.

_I should just wish her well._

_But..._

_But..._

Her hands clenched on her handlebars.

"_...Natsuki! You wanted revenge and you worked so hard for it. Don't you think you should take a chance on love?..."_

_I can't..._

"_...But if you won't, the type of person Kaichou-san is, I think there will always be someone who wants to love her, unlike you. So stop moping and taking it out on other people..."_

_There will always be someone who wants to love her..._

_Unlike me._

_So I should just wish her well..._

_But..._

As the wind pushed its way past her, swirling up the leaves, the dark-haired girl almost heard Shizuru's voice whispering her name...

_Natsuki..._

She started, and her heart indavertently leapt within her. It fell when she realised that it had only been the wind and her imagination.

"_Natsuki."_

It was different from how everyone called her name and not because of the Kyoto accent either.

_I hadn't realised how I... How I loved her calling my name. The way she says it... It makes me feel... It makes me feel..._

_Loved._

She stared down the infinite possibilities of the future and in every one where she was happy, Shizuru was there beside her.

_I... I can't wish her well, then watch her walk away._

_Because..._

_Because it is not what I want._

_But... I... I'm not ready, I can't-_

"_Natsuki, you're actually a selfish person, do you know?"_

"Ah, shut up, Tokiha!" Natsuki yelled, and quickly, before she lost her nerve, she thumbed her ignition button.

As her engine roared to life, adrenaline rushed through her veins.

_To hell with it, let's go!_

She let the moment and the bike carry her, towards her destination.

---

One hour later, a bewildered Natsuki arrived back at school, utterly confused and with her nerves in a jangled mess.

_She was supposed to be back today... Unless... Unless she has decided to stay there... She wasn't at the airport, so..._

Numbly, she set the bike on her side stand.

_So this is it. She really left._

_Shizuru... I... I..._

"Kuga!"

_I... Should I write... But I don't even know her address... She... She really left me..._

"KUGA!"

The dark-haired girl almost fell off her bike. She spluttered as she regained her balance and looked right into the concerned eyes of Tate Yuuichi.

Two complete seconds passed by before she rammed her fist, hard, into his stomach.

"Baka! What was that for?" Natsuki said with a growl, trying to hide the little blush of embarassment that had appeared on her cheeks.

"Brfff... Errfff..." Tate wheezed, trying to get his breath back. "Ooof... Kuga... Just... Ouch... Wanted to ask, have you seen the Kaichou yet?..."

She clenched her fist yet again in reflex and muttered. "How could I, hasn't she gone and left?"

Tate pulled himself weakly together and said, while rubbing his abdominal muscles and eyeing her fist, "But she was just here... Saw her just now... Thought... Ouch... Thought you'd know..."

_She's here!_

Faster than the poor man could anticipate, her hands shot out and grabbed him by his lapels, promptly yanking his head down to her eye level.

"Tell me where you last saw her."

He looked into fiery green eyes and quailed. "Student Council Room, getting her laptop."

"How long ago was that?"

"Half an hour?"

_She's here!_

Natsuki pushed Tate away, hopped off her bike, and ran in the direction of the school grounds. Since he happened to be in her direct path, she promptly ran him over as well.

As the dark-haired girl sped towards the school, she heard him groaning weakly on the floor, "... must be that time of the month..."

_Shizuru, where are you?_

She vaulted over everything that was in the way of her legs, pushed through everything that impeded her body, people, book bags, tables, everything.

Everywhere the Student Council President could be, she went.

But after fifteen frantic minutes, there was still no sign of Shizuru's fair head.

The dark-haired girl swore.

_Where is she? _

Natsuki scanned the horizon, her eyes narrowing as she spotted some Shizuru groupies chattering excitedly. She normally stayed way clear of them, but this time, it was an exception.

She desperately needed their Official List of Where the Kaichou Might Be at Any Given point of time, which was lovingly compiled, religiously updated, and was accurate up to twenty minutes.

_Time for an interrogation!_

With a few quick steps, she reached them.

"Tell me, where is the President?"" Natsuki demanded roughly.

One of the girls gave a sniff. "Why should we tell you, Kuga-san? You already hog enough of her as it is."

Natsuki felt her vision narrow down to just that girl, and it seemed as if the whole world had acquired a reddish tinge.

Her eyebrows twitched and her lips began to curl.

The other, wiser groupies started to back away from the speaker, realising the similarities between the dark-haired girl and a rabid wolf which was starting to froth at the mouth.

The girl who sniffed suddenly realised that her life expectancy was starting to look rather short.

She squeaked, "Ah, Kuga-san, I'm so sorry! We don't quite know either! But Mitsuru-san's group just reported that they last saw her down at the administrative office!"

With a bound, Natsuki was gone, ignoring the collective sigh of relief that rose behind her.

_Where are you, Shizuru?_

She scanned the office as she reached it and wanted to howl in frustration as her search came up empty-handed again.

"Looking for someone?"

Her frustration at boiling point, she snapped at the empty air behind her. "Kanzaki, don't waste my time."

There was a pause, then Kanzaki said, in that same urbane voice, "Villa behind the south gate of school."

She grunted, not quite thanking him and made for the door.

"Kuga-san."

"What?"

The dark-haired girl whipped her head around impatiently, and their eyes met.

In that moment, she knew.

Once upon a time, and perhaps even now, Kanzaki Reito had felt something for the Student Council President.

Maybe it was the tinge of sadness, the slight touch of regret. Whatever it was, that rare glimpse of honesty into Kanzaki's real feelings stopped her, humbled her.

He gave her a small smile, slipping back into that irksome smooth mode, before saying, "Whatever are you waiting for, Kuga-san?"

An impatient answer came to her lips, but something stopped her.

_I had been waiting for her... And not knowing that I was waiting..._

_But I am done waiting._

She gave him a curt nod of thanks and sprinted to the south gate of the school, as if her life depended on it.

Perhaps it did, she grimly thought as she ran her heart and lungs to their limits.

_Please be there._

_Shizuru..._

She ran until she could almost feel her heart burst from its moorings, she harshly forced herself to breathe until her vision grew blurry

Leg after leg. Breath after the breath. Every ounce of determination that she had.

It was the fastest she had ever run, besides that day, on small feet...

_No, don't think about that. That is... That was the past._

As she came to a stop in the villa's garden, she had to suppress the urge to faint. Grimly, she willed away the spots dancing in front of her eyes.

_Don't be weak now!_

Her breath still rattled harshly in her chest, but with a ruthlessness borne out of discipline, she forcibly calmed in and walked to the door.

It was suprising, she noted, how she stood there for five whole minutes, not daring to knock or open the door.

Then perhaps, it was not, considering the things that made her feet grow roots into the ground.

"_Natsuki?"_

That memory of her voice... Sudden tears sprang to her eyes and an involuntary sob choked up her throat.

She reached out with a trembling hand to the door.

As it closed around the handle, she wiped her tears with the other hand.

_I have never cried... Since that day... But I think... If I never hear you say my name to me like that ever again... _

_I... I cannot bear this feeling._

_That is why..._

That was why she forced the door open, with one smooth motion.

Inside, it was dark, but what she saw made her stop, her mind an utter blank.

Shizuru, in that deceptively plain, yet still elegant purple kimono. Shizuru, performing a deceptively beautiful, but deadly kata, wielding her naginata elegantly, soundlessly.

"_Natsuki?"_


	8. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer: _**Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

**Special thanks to Jenny Chan**

**A/N: **Sorry this has been late. Real life is a killer. Will make up, promise. Chapter 9 coming very soon.

**Chapter Eight**

In reality, Shizuru said nothing.

She continued the beautiful, silent, deadly dance, every move so graceful that it looked as easy as breathing.

Every move was precise, every pattern spoke of great strength and skill.

Shizuru flowed from form to form as Natsuki looked on helplessly. Her friend did not say a single word, and did not appear to be acknowledging her at all.

A sudden pang assailed her.

Of all the people in the world, only Shizuru had been the one to bother- to notice her, to look at her with gentle, kind and teasing eyes.

"_It's because I like you, let's become friends..."_

To see that there had been something to like after all, underneath the cold exterior she had projected.

A few fast forms followed each other, but her fair-haired friend hardly seemed to break a sweat. Her face was blank, and Natsuki realised, almost serene with a warrior's perfect concentration.

Perfect, and pitiless.

"Shi- Shizuru!"

The kata continued.. The naginata sliced its way through the air, sometimes cutting gracefully down, at other times sweeping elegantly in an arc.

"Shizuru, stop!"

_Please... Please stop and listen to me... I want to tell you... I want to tell you... _

"Shizuru!" Natsuki said, frustration and a little anger amplifying her voice.

_I don't even know what I want to tell you!_

Shizuru did not stop, or even hesitate. The great blade kept moving wickedly, in the ancient forms as passed down from generation to generation.

"Fine!" Natsuki yelled. "If you won't talk to me, I'll get you to talk to me!"

With a curse, she catapulted herself under the arc the naginata was making.

She saw Shizuru's eyes widen, and saw her friend's slim wrist impossibly twist the heavy shaft away from the direction it was making, to curve it safely upwards and further from Natsuki's flesh.

Very mildly, her friend said, "Could you please excuse me?"

Right into her ear, before performing an intricate set piece that involved a series of little, complicated slices and swings, accurately performed just outside of Natsuki's safety range.

"Shizuru," Natsuki said, wincing as she saw the wicked blade coming down fast toward towards her toes, and perfectly missing her. "I need to talk to you."

Step, turn, twist and feet shuffle, before she knew it, Shizuru had launched into a pattern of powerful sweeps that took her back out of Natsuki's range.

"Perhaps later, Natsuki."

_One, two, GO!_

The dark-haired girl executed a perfectly timed tucked jump to land safely at Shizuru's feet.

Step, step, turn, swing, parry, thrust.

Natsuki was involved in the dance now, trying desperately to get closer to Shizuru.

She dodged a fearsome overhand sweep and gasped from the side, "Shizuru, please stop- Whoa!"

Natsuki leapt up half a metre in the air as the naginata scythed towards her knees.

"Shizuru, please!" Natsuki yelled while dodging, ducking and scampering within the reach of the naginata. "SHIZURU!"

Her friend's swings grew wider, and the great blade sliced about even faster, although still in great skill and control.

But something had changed on that warrior countenance. There were tears and her cheeks were tinged with red.

"Leave... Leave please. I do not want to talk to you now," Shizuru said, her voice almost angry.

"Shizuru! Stop! Stop now!" Natsuki yelled, somersaulting on the floor to end up nimbly in front of her friend.

"Please, leave. Just leave!" Shizuru replied as tears streamed angrily down her face.

The calm countenance had shattered, and there was only hurt, and despair painted on her face. Her voice held the edge of anger, and she sounded so brittle, as if she might break any moment.

Natsuki had only heard her like this once before.

That fateful day.

_Then I must fight her again._

Decisively, forcefully, she used one hand to slam into Shizuru's elbow, and the other to chop at the wrist holding the naginata.

It was a trick she knew from the days of bar-fighting, guaranteed to stun the nerve of the arm momentarily and making the target drop his weapon.

Even as she succeeded, her friend had snatched the naginata in her left hand, so gracefully and quickly that the great weapon had no time to fall at all.

_Damn it!_

She had no choice. Natsuki moved in closer and executed a quick flurry of jabs and punches.

One, two, three- Two Shizuru caught with awesome speed, with the hand holding the naginata shaft but the last punch slipped by her weakened right hand and sank into her midsection.

Natsuki pulled the punch a little, trying to reduce the damage while still winding her friend.

_Maybe I've got some hope after all, seems that she's really a weapons fighter..._

A sense of alarm assailed her as Shizuru took the punch and let herself travel closer to Natsuki, swinging her head and...

_OWWWWWWWW!_

Stars, cows and mayonnaise sandwiches danced in front of her eyes as she stepped back blinking.

_Of all the sneaky-!_

As Natsuki's body took over in reflex for her stunned mind and started working on a counterattack, she had the sinking feeling that her earlier thought was wrong.

Shizuru apparently did know how to street fight as well.

---

Block, block, punch, parry, block, drop naginata.

Kick aside naginata, kick, kick, feint, jump, punch, block, feint.

Her body was on auto-pilot, which was just as well.

She wanted to run away, she wanted to weep, she did not know what to do. There were no answers, no solutions when it came to Natsuki.

She had come here again, to seek solitude in her weaponswork. That was why she had taken the earlier flight.

Something in her had just snapped, not wanting to face the horde of adoring fans at the airport.

Not wanting to see both the lack of and presence of Kuga Natsuki.

Harvard would not have a Natsuki. That was why she had to tell Natsuki that... Tell Natsuki that...

_We will never need to be together again... You will be free..._

But it was too hard, too soon, so she continued fighting, to buy time to prepare.

_Or to buy time to run away?_

"Please leave, Natsuki!" Shizuru said tersely, trying to drown the voice in her head.

"Say you'll talk to me!" Natsuki gasped, narrowly avoiding a roundhouse punch to her jaw.

The dark-haired girl executed a powerful, scything kick to Shizuru's knee, making her leg lock, ostensibly to make her lose balance but a quick spin solved that, and then Natsuki was left gasping as Shizuru coolly kicked her in the stomach.

As Natsuki recovered from the kick, her eyes narrowed, and from the change in stance, Shizuru realised that Natsuki was changing styles to Muay Thai.

For the moment, a small tendril of fondness warmed the bleakness that was her heart.

_I did not know you knew that Natsuki... Something new today that I know about you..._

A bitter smile crossed her face. Previously, she would have killed for such tidbits about Natsuki, insights into the previous life that Natsuki had lived.

_But no longer... I am going to release you from this cage that you willingly stay in, Natsuki..._

_For the sake of my most precious person._

So she fought, and pretended to be taken in by Natsuki's feint, allowed her head to be grasped by Natsuki's hands, let Natsuki's knee kick ride high...

And then she grasped that knee and brought Natsuki close, as close as a lover could get.

She saw Natsuki's eyes widen in alarm as she realised what Shizuru was about to do.

Felt her hurriedly remove her hands from around Shizuru's head, and felt her involuntarily wince as her body told her that it was too late.

_Gomen nasai, Natsuki._

And then she smoothly crunched her elbow upwards into Natsuki's jaw, a flawlessly executed, brutal Muay Thai uppercut.

_Gomen nasai... I never want to hurt you again..._

Natsuki's eyes glazed, and for a moment, Shizuru worried that she had given Natsuki a concussion.

But then the dark-haired girl staggered back, and sat bonelessly on the ground, holding her jaw, but conscious.

She quietly bowed and then she turned to leave.

_Please forgive me, Natsuki._

"Shizuru! Onegai, Shizuru, onegai!"

Her tears were so many that she almost could not see, but she steadfastly started to walk.

_I love you._

---

_Please! Please, Shizuru, please!_

_Please what...?_

At that moment, she almost broke.

_There is no need for this. There is no need for these feelings!_

_She's leaving, just like everyone else!_

_... Let her leave... Loving means... It means hurting... I know that now and I knew that long ago..._

But letting Shizuru leave...

Meant letting her heart leave.

"_... you worked so hard for revenge... take a chance on love..."_

A calm serenity seemed to settled over her, and she suddenly saw everything with clarity.

Ignoring the pain in her jaw, she got up, ran and came to a stop behind Shizuru's back.

"Shizuru," she said very softly. "Please turn around."

The kimono-clad figure paused, but she did not turn around.

It was dusk and everything about them was quiet. It felt exactly like that day, when she had ordered Duran to shoot Kiyohime.

"Shizuru," she said, trying again, and this time praying to every spirit around.

Perhaps it was the tone of quiet desperation, or perhaps it was all that praying. In any case, Shizuru, hesitating like the elegant Student Council President had never hesitated before, slowly turned.

The beautiful crimson eyes were dead, quiet and revealed nothing but a bleakness about them.

"Please listen to me," Natsuki said, a quiet note of desperation entering her voice.

Shizuru nodded, but those eyes... Nothing of her vibrancy and kindness, nothing of her warmth was there.

They were a desolate landscape that spoke of despair.

Time slowed, and for a second, Natsuki felt as if she was encased in a crystal, her mouth frozen with the words she had to speak but could not.

Clumsily, she said, "You came back. I...That is, are you, have you decided to study there?"

"Yes," came the very soft answer.

Natsuki felt a rush of panic at her sudden attack of idiocy and terror at the answer.. She was not good at this. She was not good at saying what she felt. Shizuru was going to Harvard anyway. She should just back away and go. She should just...

"_...take a chance..."_

_What does it matter if she goes, really? It... It doesn't change..._

_How I feel._

_And that is what I need to tell her._

"I need to tell you something."

Nothing, no spark, no life from Shizuru. She might as well have been a wax model at Tussaud, beautiful, sculpted.

And soulless.

Natsuki wet her dry lips. "I..."

"There is no need to say anything," Shizuru said quietly.

The dark-haired girl stood there feeling helpless.

Shizuru said in a monotone, "Even though I tried, I could not learn to unlove you. I am sorry, Natsuki."

"But..."

Shizuru turned sad, bleak eyes to her. "Hush, Natsuki, your heart is too kind. Please, forget me if you can. Forget everything about me. I... I think it will be better."

_I will never forget you!_

The heated realisation loosened her tongue and she said, "Shizuru, wait! Don't do this. Don't try to make it like we never met."

"Gomen nasai, Natsuki," Shizuru said. "There is no reason not to. This is for the best."

"_...take a chance!"_

Her heart felt as if it was about to split with a joy that was almost pain.

It was a joy that came from doing something so right that her soul filled with it and the words now lined up at her mouth, willing themselves to be spoken...

Finally.

Shizuru shifted, perhaps as a prelude to moving away and walking out of her life.

The dam burst.

"There is every reason! There is a reason that I should not forget you, a reason why I should not forget everything that has you in it.."

She stretched her hand out, towards Shizuru, her heart thudding.

"The reason is because..."

Natsuki took a deep breath.

"I want to be with you."

The crimson eyes widened in surprise.

"Even now, I cannot say that I share your feelings... Maybe because it's hard for me to understand other people... Even you."

The cool wind danced around the both of them, refreshing Natsuki.

"I know I want to be with you," she admitted, feeling a light blush come to her cheeks. "Always."

"And what I do know about my own feelings," Natsuki continued, rallying herself and feeling a smile light up her lips. "I know this..."

In that moment, she was happy, and somehow calm.

No matter what Shizuru decided, no matter where she went, even if it meant losing her, Natsuki would never forget this moment of confessing her true feelings.

"I don't know what love is. So show me."

And as she held out her trembling hand, it seemed as if the world held its breath.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer: **_Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

_**Thanks! **_Special thanks to my poor, abused beta, Jenny Chan, without whom this work would not have been possible. Jenny, you rock my world! Also, many thanks to my muse the lovely Reika-Kitsune for stomping down on my tendencies to be dramatic and angsty and killing overblown bits. Couldn't have written this without your inspiration.

**Chapter 9**

_Oh, Shizuru._

_I'm so sorry..._

_This pain you are going through, is it... Is it my fault?_

_I... Shizuru! I... Please take my hand!_

But Natsuki's hand hung there, as if it would wait forever for the other to take it.

She looked desperately into Shizuru's eyes, willing, wishing for some emotion that she could understand to show in them.

Slowly, the emptiness cleared, but she saw sadness and something worse.

Resolution.

Her hand dropped and she clenched it into a fist.

"Natsuki... Thank you for all the happiness that you have brought into my life."

Guilt washed over her, as well as shame. She had, in reality, used Shizuru, she had taken love and care and given... Nothing. Like a flower taking in the light, and never noticing that the sun was dying.

And still Shizuru thanked her.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Till you came, I never truly knew what love was."

Anything. Anything but this soft, wistful, longing look full of sadness. This look that seemed to say goodbye.

For the first time, Shizuru's face was an open book to her, and she saw the sadness turn into a brittle anger.

"It would have been better had I not known it."

"But-!"

"These hands, Natsuki," Shizuru said, holding up her fair, graceful hands. "The hand that you want to take..."

Shizuru's voice broke. "It is soiled. Stained with blood."

Her voice petered away into a whisper. "And all in the name of that love."

This was... This was a nightmare. Her heart was beating so hard and so fast, she felt as if it would jump out of her chest. Despair and sadness choked her, robbing her of voice.

She could see where this was going, she could see all those pathways and possibilities that had Shizuru beside her closing with a horrible finality.

"Natsuki," Shizuru said, and Natsuki's heart broke.

If she had closed her eyes, and ignored everything else that had taken place before Shizuru had called her name this instant, she would have cried tears of joy.

For only utmost love was in that that one utterance of hers.

Unable to say any words of affection, of love, unsure of the feelings that Natsuki held for her, Shizuru had given voice the only way she could, given their relationship.

Natsuki's name itself, an expression of love each time it passed Shizuru's lips.

"_Natsuki?"_

It seemed that each time, her soul had heard, even though her stupid and stubborn self had not.

A slight smile, so beautiful. "I would do anything for my most precious person, Natsuki."

For a second, Shizuru's voice faltered on the word 'anything', but that could have been Natsuki's overly stressed heart pounding much too hard in her ears.

"Even admit that I cannot be the one to show you."

Shizuru's lips moved, but Natsuki no longer heard anything.

And when Shizuru quietly left, the dark-haired girl numbly walked away in the opposite direction.

She did not know where she would be going, what she would do.

All she knew was that she had lost her most precious thing.

---

Now she knew.

How horrible the world truly was without Shizuru.

Natsuki absent-mindedly left the lunch table, thinking that she had finished eating.

Behind her, a surprised babble of voices erupted.

"...Natsuki? Natsuki?..."

"...Eh! Wow! Her... Her... Her mayonnaise sandwich!..."

"...what's wrong with her sandwich- Oh! She didn't even take a bite!..."

"...I don't think she even looked at it..."

"...What! Impossible!..."

"...can I have it?..."

"...Mikoto! That much mayonnaise will kill you!..."

"...yes, it's not mayonnaise sandwich, it's mayonnaise with sandwich..."

"...could we stop talking about the sandwich now? Natsuki, she- No, Mikoto, no!..."

Oblivious to the pandemonium she was leaving behind her, Natsuki wandered along the hallways and walked down the staircase that led to the school's courtyard.

She paused at the bottom, and then shrugged and turned right.

It was a very pleasant afternoon, with a hint of coolness in the air that spoke of the changing weather.

She found herself wandering aimlessly. There was nowhere she wished to go, and she realised that she had nothing to do as well before the afternoon classes commenced. The few places that drew her were nowhere she should be at this point of time.

In the end, she simply stopped at an empty pavilion, and sat down.

Natsuki stared into space a while, until her eyes caught a glimpse of a corner of the garden.

The garden in which they had first met.

With a soft, bitter growl, Natsuki tore her eyes away from the sight.

The past few days had been bad. Every instinct in her cried out for her to feel abandoned, cast aside, and unloved, much as both parents had caused her to feel.

_For the sake of me... You would leave..._

But how could she unloved, when it had been done out of love? Even though the child in her insisted that it was abandonment, the Natsuki who knew of the depths of Shizuru's feelings understood.

She pressed her lips firmly together, so that they would not tremble.

"_Natsuki..."_

"Shizuru," she said, a pang seizing her heart. "Shi-zu-ru."

The name fell awkwardly from her lips, but hearing herself say it out loud made some of the bitter sadness dissipate.

"Shi... Shizuru..."

_Shizuru... Was this how she felt when she called my name?_

_This wanting, and yet, this strange happiness, when you are able to say something that means so much to you._

_Shizuru._

"Shizuru..." she said, and she felt her heart ease a little, a smile almost coming to her lips.

_I see. _

"Shizuru...," she said, and this time, a little smile did come.

Just by the sound of that name, a flood of warm memories embraced her.

Nothing of the pain and horror of the Carnival, no sense of betrayal and anger.

Just... Of love.

Birthdays, sleepovers, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, picnics, meetings in the Student Council Room. Reluctant shopping trips and even more reluctant makeovers.

Shizuru smiling, Shizuru yawning politely, Shizuru, with an eyebrow lifted, Shizuru pouring tea, Shizuru sleeping...

If she had any ability at all to paint, she could have transcribed all this perfectly onto canvas.

There was someone's feelings she had accepted but...

_Have I... Have I truly accepted my own?_

Dimly, she realised that she had stood up, and that she had started walking. To her surprise, she found herself walking over to the garden.

_I said... I said I wanted her to show me. But what is it that I really want?_

_And... And have I considered her feelings?_

Her steps slowed.

_Shizuru... You were in such pain._

_Maybe, you are right. _

_Maybe, this is for the better._

She came to the patch of flowers, then stopped and frowned.

Again, there was a single flower that stood out. Something was different about it, it was smaller, weaker and looked as if it would not survive.

Slowly, she got down to her knees, and took it in her hand, this time, really looking at it.

Several moments passed, and Natsuki felt a little silly, and impatient. Then, she shook herself.

_I... I need to understand._

_I want to know how Shizuru thinks._

_I... I want to know her._

It came to her, slowly, and gently. As she stared, she began to see a quiet dignity in the flower, a beauty that it had because it was so small.

It wanted to live, it wanted to bloom. Even though it was small.

A reluctant feeling grew in Natsuki, that of wanting to protect it, so that it would have the chance to grow.

_Shizuru... Was this how you saw me? _

She let go of the flower, but not before giving it a caress with her thumb, and stood up.

Closing her eyes, she felt...

She felt yearning. A wish to be close to Shizuru, to be with her.

To share with her...

Everything.

Natsuki's mind shuddered from the implications of that thought, but her heart made her accept it.

_I see._

_Is this how you felt all along?_

_How lonely you must have felt, when I kept away from you._

_The same way... The same way that I am lonely now._

_I told Sakomizu-sensei that I don't want to know such love... Because I was afraid of the mistakes it brings..._

_But if it's with you..._

"Natsuki!"

With her scream of surprise echoing through the mountains of Fuuka, Natsuki started to flail around at the hand on her shoulder.

"Natsuki! It's me, stop, stop! You're going to... No!"

The dark-haired girl stopped struggling long enough to see Mai's annoyed face as she tried to stop a lunch bag from crashing onto the floor.

Unfortunately, Mai did not succeed, and they both watched as a mayonnaise sandwich made a spectacular explosion all over the garden floor.

The destruction of the sandwich, normally, would have affected her deeply, but today, Natsuki just sighed.

Beside her, Mai was aghast. She was green at the sight of so much mayonnaise and at the thought of eating it..

"Eeeeeeeeew... Chie was right," she said weakly. "It really is mayonnaise with some sandwich as dressing."

"Wh-What?"

Mai blinked away her queasiness and said, "Drat, never mind the sandwich. Kuga Natsuki! What's wrong with you?"

"Me? Nothing!" Natsuki protested.

"Well, you walked away from this... This...," Mai temporarily faltered, looking at the mess on the floor. "This culinary delight of yours without even opening it! That certainly tells me that something is wrong. You don't even care that the mayo is dribbling into the drainage!"

Mai gagged at the last part, but her glare remained.

Natsuki was silent a moment, before replying, "Mm."

"Is that all you are going to say?" Mai said, glaring at the recalcitrant dark-haired girl.

The dark-haired girl took a small intake of breath and then let it out again.

"Natsuki," Mai said, her glare softening into concern. "Please, I-"

"I lost her," Natsuki said simply, turning her gaze away.

"Oh."

There was a moment of utter silence as Mai tried to get her bearings, and Natsuki wryly wondered what piece of advice her friend would dish out.

But Mai said nothing, and simply put a hand on her shoulder.

That sympathetic touch was almost her undoing and she was horrified to find herself suppressing a sob.

"I can see you've had a tough time, no? I'm sorry to see that."

"Mmm."

"But come on. If you want something that badly, don't give up."

Natsuki gave a small nod, working on swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I'm not," she growled, or at least she tried. She came out sounding like a small kitten trying to snarl.

"Oh, I'm not saying you are," Mai said, her tone turning cheerful.

The dark-haired girl just gave her a glare.

"So get going," Mai said, grinning.

"Huh?"

"Kaichou-san, I just saw her going into the Student Council Room about five minutes ago."

Natsuki panicked, feeling extremely unprepared.

"Oy! Just go!"

"Okay," Natsuki said half in bewilderment and half in anticpation.

As she broke out into a jog, Mai called out after her.

"Don't worry so much! With such a love-stricken look on your face as you had just now, you will surely convince her!"

"Argh!"

"Just go now! I should start charging you for all this... This love advice!"

Hearing Mai's sniggering, Natsuki yelled, "Idiot!"

But as she sped away, there was a smile on her face.

---

Packing up her laptop, Shizuru decided, was one of the hardest things that she ever had to do in this school.

She touched the keyboard briefly, in a fond caress, acknowledging its role as a bridge between her and Natsuki.

It had made her happy. She knew that sometimes, Natsuki had not really wanted to use the laptop. Natsuki had wanted to see her, but was too proud or too shy, and hence, had needed an excuse.

The Student Council President closed the lid, and slid it into her laptop bag. There was very little else to pack, as she had always been tidy, but she found herself wanting to linger in this room.

So many memories. Some good, some bad. Many with Natsuki.

"_I don't know what love is. So show me."_

Her hand trembled on her laptop bag. That had been so tempting.

It had taken every ounce of her self-control, to not take Natsuki's hand. To just surrender herself, and know her embrace was welcome.

But she could not. She should not.

She did not deserve Natsuki. She did not trust herself with Natsuki.

_No one else killed so many... No one else killed so perfectly._

_I lost it. I lost what I thought I would never lose. My self-control._

_Natsuki._

_And what would you have done, Natsuki, had I lost it again? If I had wanted to kiss you, and touch you..._

_I could not bear it if you tolerated it just to make me happy._

_I would want to take advantage of your kindness, Natsuki._

One by one, she placed her stationery into a compartment of the bag, her fingers trembling slightly as she touched one fountain pen.

"_...What is this Natsuki?"_

_Natsuki looked at her as if she had grown two heads. "A fountain pen."_

"_..For me?"_

"_For goodness's sake, Shizuru," the dark-haired girl growled. "Look if you don't want it, I'll take it back."_

"_Ara, Natsuki remembered my birthday!"_

"_Whatever, I'm going."_

That had been the first time Natsuki had given her a birthday present, and when pressed, Natsuki had mumbled something about fountain pens being best for people who wrote beautifully.

"_... So you think I write beautifully..."_

"_Ah... Shut up! I'm going!"_

That made her suppress a little chuckle. It would forever tickle her how shy Natsuki was about expressing herself.

Shizuru carefully packed it into its box, and then placed it inside the bag.

She, who had never had trouble in letting go of things, having problems letting go.

Then again, she had never fallen in love.

Finally, the Student Council President took away the small plaque bearing her name and designation, and gave the room a final glance.

_Such a lonely goodbye..._

_But I am happy. I will always have the memory of your eyes and your kindness._

_And your love._

Her eyes suddenly narrowed. There was a pattering of feet on the staircase that led to this level, and it sounded suspiciously like...

"Natsuki?"

The dark-haired girl burst through the door, then stopped abruptly. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" she said, careful to put a teasing smile on her face.

"Know that I'm coming all the time."

"Natsuki, don't you know I always know when a pretty girl is near?" Shizuru said with suggestive lift of her eyebrow.

Natsuki frowned. "I... I always get sidetracked by you."

"Oh, I am pleased I distract-"

"Shizuru!"

Alarm bells started to ring in Shizuru's head as Natsuki determinedly charged across the room and grabbed her hands.

"Na-Natsuki?"

"Your hands are beautiful..."

She stood stock still, all thought having fled out of her head.

"They are beautiful because your heart is kind, and would not do those things you did unless forced."

Shizuru shook her head. "No, no. I-"

"I... I think, Shizuru, that you would never hurt those that had no cause to be harmed. Even during the carnival."

Shizuru's fair cheeks were red with guilt and shame. "But-"

"But you only did... You only did what you did because something made you think they deserved to be punished.."

Natsuki's voice became stronger, urging Shizuru to forgive herself. "Think about it Shizuru. I have. Even during the Carnival, you didn't hurt anyone you thought didn't deserve it."

"They didn't..." It was barely a whisper.

"Shizuru, you thought they did," Natsuki said with conviction. "I'm sorry. Because it was for the sake of me."

The Student Council President looked pained. "It was never your fault. Do not... Do not say such things."

"Then you should not too."

They stared at each other a moment, in deadlock.

Only the increased intake of breath and a slight stress line around her eyes told Natsuki that the Student Council President was experiencing a strong internal conflict.

Finally, Shizuru was the one who sighed and turned her head.

"I will not."

There was silence for a while, then Shizuru's gaze dropped down to their linked hands. For a minute she flushed, then tried to free her hands.

"Don't," Natsuki said, keeping them together.

"Natsuki, I said that I can't-"

"I don't accept that, Shizuru," Natsuki said.

The Student Council President's eyes widened, as Natsuki's words hit her.

"You shouldn't do that," the dark-haired girl continued.

"Do...?" Shizuru said, at a loss.

"You told me, beautiful flowers should be cherished because they are trying their best to bloom."

Passionate, sincere, earnest, Natsuki's voice rang like a clarion call. It was either the room was spinning around her, or her head was spinning.

Such was the power of Natsuki's voice.

"So you shouldn't crush them," Natsuki said, holding her hands tightly, tenderly.

_Natsuki... I..._

"You should cherish them... Your feelings..."

With an infinitely yearning look on her face, Natsuki stepped closer.

"And mine..."

She could not move, she could not breathe, she only knew Natsuki, so close that she could feel her breath on her face.

"Shizuru..."

_Wh... What is this... What is this look on your face, Natsuki... I..._

"Shi-zu-ru."

_Your smile... I've never dreamed... I... Your face..._

"Shizuru..."

A strangled sob broke out of her lips.

_What... What do you mean when you say my name like that... You... You..._

"Shizuru..."

_You... You say it... You say it like you love me._

---

It was truth, shining and soaring in Natsuki's heart, helping her to find words, where normally she would have stumbled.

It was truth, that gave voice and shape to her feelings.

It was truth, that she wanted Shizuru to have, to know the whole of her heart.

"You should cherish them... Your feelings..."

_Because nothing makes me happier than your feelings for me._

"And mine."

There it was. It had been so easy to say that.

Because it was truth.

_How do I let you know, you mean everything to me? How do I say what you make me feel?_

_Oh._

_I am so stupid._

_I will say it like you do._

"Shizuru..."

_No words come close to how I feel about you. You have made me so happy._

"Shi-zu-ru."

_I... I want to make you happy._

"Shizuru..."

_I want to love you._

"Shizuru..."

_I love you._

Emotion got the better of her and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat..

"If... If you are going to leave, as you say, for the sake of Kuga Natsuki, then it is Kuga Natsuki here who is asking you to stay."

She blinked away the mist that had appeared in her eyes and stared into Shizuru's own. So much confusion still raged in those beautiful red eyes, so much pain.

_... I cannot give up!_

She said, rather hoarsely, but with conviction fueling her words, "You told me once that you longed for me. Here I am telling you that I long for you."

At this, a sob wracked the girl in front of her.

_...Shizuru... It's true. I... I just realised it... I..._

_Every part of me yearns towards you._

Again their gazes met.

This time, Shizuru's eyes were wet with unshed tears. But a small smile had crept up onto her lips.

The Student Council President said, very softly. "Since... Since when does Natsuki speak such beautiful words?"

Natsuki paused, thinking. "I don't know. I just said everything inside me."

The small smile widened a little, while the tears threatened to fall.

For a split second, she thought that Shizuru would move towards her, but then she saw..

There was fear in Shizuru's eyes.

Fear of being rejected.

"It's... It's alright," she said gruffly. "You can touch me, any time."

For a moment, both of them stared at each other.

Though they would never be able to prove who made the first move, Natsuki knew, that of its own accord, her body had rushed towards Shizuru.

A fierce embrace, a welcomed warmth. A missed presence so dear, it was a part of her.

"Shizuru," she said roughly, her voice choked.

"Natsuki...," was Shizuru's answer, murmured into her hair. "Natsuki..."

Something happy came into her throat, and she half-laughed, half-sobbed.

She was home.

She was complete.

She kissed Shizuru.

"Natsuki?!"

And then hid her face in Shizuru's shoulder forever, refusing to even look at the Student Council President-

"Sh-Shut up!"

-who, being as wise as she was, except for some very rarely lapses, mostly to do with Natsuki herself, said nothing, and just held her, tightly.

For the first time in an extremely long while, her life made sense. And she was finally...

Happy.

_Yes... I am. _

In the future, Kuga Natsuki would realise that it was the process of losing Fujino Shizuru, that finally made her accept her own feelings, and Shizuru's completely. And in the future, starting from the following day, she would also regret, slightly, that she had explicitly given Shizuru permission to touch her whenever. Namely during school, karaoke sessions, outings, picnics and other public occasions.

But for now, she was simply content.

To be in Shizuru's arms.

"Don't leave me.

"I won't."

It was a promise.

FIN

A.N- And my apologies for those who have held their breath and held on to the cliff for so long! -hands out first aid- Sorry, can't reply personally to your reviews, still very busy but do stay for the epilogue!


	10. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: **_Mai Hime and its assorted characters are the property of Sunrise. This story contains elements of shoujo-ai, unreciprocated or otherwise grins. Don't like, please don't read.

_**Thanks! **_Special thanks to my poor, abused beta, Jenny Chan, without whom this work would not have been possible. Jenny, you rock my world!

**Epilogue**

Her hand swung open the door, then stilled.

A delicate, yet persistent scent lingered in the room beyond, and Shizuru paused before fully opening the door.

It was the smell of Natsuki's shampoo.

Kuga Natsuki was inside, or had been inside recently, and her heart gave a little flip at the thought.

She pushed the door in, hoping that it was the former.

And there Natsuki was, her face soft and innocent, free of any worry or care.

_How like an angel you look, Natsuki._

Shizuru studied the scene before her for a moment, trying to capture it in her memory for all time.

_There will never be any more of these moments..._

For a second, she regretted her choice, but then it passed. She could not have possibly gone down the road, no matter how attractive.

It would not have been the best for Natsuki.

Slowly, she walked over to her table, a bittersweet feeling touching her heart as she watched the sleeping Natsuki.

The Student Council President wondered if Natsuki would ever know how happy she had felt whenever she came in to see Natsuki waiting for her like that.

Or how close she had come to kissing her each time.

She reached out her hand, then paused, considering her course of action.

"Natsuki?"

The dark-haired girl slept on like an unbearably cute log.

Shizuru smiled, then ran her fingers through the wealth of dark hair.

"Mnnn... Nrggg...," Natsuki mumbled incomprehensibly as she woke. "Ugh... Shizuru. How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," she replied from her vantage point at the window, then turned to smile at the dark-haired girl. "What brings Natsuki here?"

There was an immediate flush on Natsuki's face. "I... I just wanted to ask you if you were serious about staying back another year."

She smiled. "So you want me to stay another year?"

"No! Ye- Uh... I mean.. Well, anyway, are you?" Natsuki demanded, a little flustered.

"Oh, I am so sad, Natsuki doesn't want me around in school with her," Shizuru said in the saddest voice she could muster.

"Hey, wait! I didn't say that," Natsuki said, scowling.

The Student Council President giggled at Natsuki's indignant expression.

"The truth of the matter is," she said, before turning back to the view. "I had considered it, but I do not think that it will be best for Natsuki."

Natsuki opened her mouth to speak, but stopped, apparently not sure if she agreed to the statement. It appeared as if several thoughts were running through her head.

_How cute. It looks as if she is arguing with herself._

"Well," Natsuki gruffly said. "As long as it's best for you also."

"That's sweet of Natsuki," she said, beaming.

The dark-haired girl turned three different shades of red in quick succession.

"I'mjustnotusedtotheideaofnothavingyouaround," Natsuki groused.

"What was that, Natsuki?" Shizuru blinked and turned to the other girl.

"Nothing," Natsuki said, looking at the floor.

The Student Council President laughed, her eyes crinkling, as the dark-haired girl pretended the floor was very interesting.

She decided to be merciful this time, and turned away from Natsuki, looking at the mountains and the sea over Fuuka.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other girl shuffling out of the seat, coming to join her, and she smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" Natsuki demanded crossly, as she came to stand by the Student Council President.

"No reason," she said, smiling again. "Ara, is Natsuki curious as to the thoughts that run to my mind?"

Twin patches of red exploded like nuclear bombs on the dark-haired girl's face.

"Wh- Ah, forget it," Natsuki said, even more crossly, trying to hide her embarassment.

Shizuru laughed as she watched Natsuki silently fume.

But instead of stomping off, as she was wont to do before, she squeezed in next to Shizuru at the sill, watching the scene as well, in silence.

"Did you at least manage to get some sleep?" Shizuru enquired.

Natsuki yawned her assent. "Did you?"

She carelessly shrugged. "A little during the presentation ceremony."

Her glances sideways did not escape Natsuki's notice. The other girl eyed her suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Your hoodie is crooked."

"So?" Natsuki muttered irritably,

"I would like to adjust it."

"My... My hoodie? Whatever for?" Natsuki said incredulously.

It should have been an easy answer, that it was because it hung crookedly down Natsuki's back but it was not.

There were other reasons too.

_It's so adorable._

_I've wanted to do this so many times._

_I just want to touch you._

So many things, so she just blushed.

Natsuki, who looked as if she was about to grumble over being groomed, noticed her blush, and immediately mirrored it, looking like an overripe tomato.

"Ah, erm, erh, okay," she mumbled.

Gently, Shizuru smoothed out the creases in the folds on Natsuki's shoulders. She followed the lines, until her arms had to reach behind Natsuki to straighten the hoodie.

Shyly, she traced out the hoodie and teased out the creases.

All the while, Natsuki was trembling like a wild wolf in a trap.

_I've wanted to do this for so long..._

_Is this a dream that you finally let me touch you..._

_I... Kanninna, Natsuki. I am taking advantage of you again..._

She moved to withdraw her fingers, but Natsuki must have sensed her thoughts, because her own hands came to encircle Shizuru's waist.

In a very low, embarrassed sounding voice, Natsuki mumbled, "Easier for you to adjust it."

Natsuki's presence, so close, and heady, made her linger in straightening the cloth, and in drawing the dark, silky hair out of it.

_Is this real? Will I wake up and find myself in the depths of the Carnival?_

This had to be a dream, all that had happened these past few days...

"Shizuru, is everything alright?

The dark-haired girl's concerned gaze washed over her in a wave of warmth.

A moment she had wanted for so long was passing, and it was exquisite, this simple act of affection for Natsuki.

"Everything is, Natsuki."

_Everything._

The worried look in Natsuki's eyes softened.

---

Shizuru, so beautiful, so happy.

_She should always look like this... Nrggghhh!_

With some amazement and alarm, Natsuki noted a large explosion of feeling in her chest. It made her heart ache, sing, dance and do the cardiac equivalent of Para Para.

She felt a little giddy.

Now it was Shizuru's turn to be worried.

"Natsuki? Are you alright?"

"..."

"Natsuki?" Shizuru demanded anxiously, her eyes roving over Natsuki, looking for a sudden injury or abnormality.

"I'm fine," she said, hastily, swallowing down the feeling.

The anxiety did not leave Shizuru's eyes.

"I really am," she said, protesting.

The look in Shizuru's eyes indicated that she did not quite believe her but would let it go for now.

"Alright," Shizuru allowed.

A second passed before Natsuki realised that they were still rather intimately close. She flushed a bright red to her neck.

Shizuru had taken the permission to touch her anywhen a bit too literally, and she had gotten gleefully hugged at some rather embarassing moments.

But on the whole, Kuga Natsuki had to be admit that it was rather...

Nice, although she had taken to keeping a close lookout over her shoulder, to avoid getting suddenly glomped.

Just today, she had barely managed to avoid being squeezed in front of Sakomizu-sensei himself. She shuddered at the thought of his smirk had he seen such a sight, and he would definitely have reminded her that she had said she did not want to know 'that' kind' of love.

But...

But Shizuru had not kissed her yet.

She thought back to that moment yesterday, where she had just lost her mind and pressed her lips to Shizuru's.

At that time, Shizuru had been too stunned to kiss back.

She wondered what would happen now if-

_Argh! Kuga Natsuki, you pervert!_

Flushing again, this time to the roots of her neck, she immediately dropped her gaze from Shizuru's face, not wanting to think about kissing.

Only to meet Shizuru's... Shizuru's chest.

With a yelp, she withdrew her hands and hurriedly turned away from Shizuru, hoping against hope that Shizuru had not noticed.

Light laughter coming from behind her dashed that hope.

"Hmmph," she muttered, trying to mask her embarrassment with indignation.

A few more giggles and then-

"Oof!"

She got glomped from behind, the laughter now in her ear, chestnut-coloured hair in her eyes, and that strange feeling appearing again in her chest.

"Natsuki was admiring something, was she not?" Came the warm Kyoto accent, tinged with amusement.

"I wasn't!" Natsuki spluttered, indignantly twisting around slightly to see her tormenter.

"I'm hurt, did they not please you?" Shizuru said sadly, her demure manner totally off-kilter with her rather indecent words.

"Shizuru," she yelled.

The Student Council President just laughed.

She twisted a bit more in the other girl's grasp to glare at her, but as she turned, the glare fell from her face.

Shizuru smiled down at her, her face happy and open.

Again, the strange feeling hammered into her, this time with double the force.

"Ouch...," she mumbled softly.

"What did you say, Natsuki?" Shizuru murmured

"Nothing," she said in a low voice and tried to smile.

It felt strange, smiling, but that strange, happy feeling definitely helped, so she hoped that Shizuru did not find her smile too weird.

As it turned out, Shizuru did find the half-snarl rather cute and said so.

"Idiot," she said, and struggled a little.

Shizuru laughed and quashed the half-hearted attempt to escape.

"Hmmph," Natsuki said, even more lamely, because now Shizuru's face was much closer to hers.

An odd, hesitant look came into Shizuru's eyes, and this time, the strange feeling was replaced by both anticipation and fear.

Natsuki was torn between staying and...

And staying.

There was nowhere else she could go, her feet rooted itself to the ground and her body was pressed into Shizuru's.

If truth be told, she did not want to go at all, it was only that she was frightened.

Slowly, carefully, the distance between their faces closed.

Like in a dream, Natsuki closed her eyes.

And as Shizuru's lips touched hers...

The world spun on its axis, people cried and laughed, plants bloomed all over the earth, the sun set and rose, a whole chorus of angels sang.

"Ahem."

Natsuki separated herself from Shizuru rather violently, only to find Tokiha Mai standing at the door, sweat dropping furiously, her ears and face tinged pink. Her hands were over a certain Minagi Mikoto's eyes, who was struggling a little.

"Er. I'm sorry to disturb," Mai said very carefully. "It was just that... Uh. It was just that Mikoto and I wanted to invite both you and Kaichou-san to the karaoke session we are about to have. And the door was open, so..."

"Maaai! What are they doing? Is it fun? I wanna tryI I wanna try!"

"Ehhhhhh!" Mai said, aghast and sweat dropping further.

Natsuki was too busy making embarrassed, idiotic sounds to be of any help.

"Minagi-san," came a lovely lilt. "Mai-san."

"Kaichou-san!" Mikoto chirped in reply. "Mai! Can I see now please?"

"Uh. Uh," Mai could only say weakly as she dropped her hands.

Mikoto looked around eagerly, but her face drooped in disappointment when all she saw were Shizuru and Natsuki standing beside each other in the room.

Although Natsuki was twitching rather suspiciously, there was nothing else interesting about the scene.

"Mai, why did you close Mikoto's eyes? Now there is nothing to see!"

Taking pity on sweat dropping Mai, the Student Council President said, "Minagi-san, what you may have seen, should only take place between two people who love each other."

"Oh! Is it fun?"

"It is, when they love each other," Shizuru said, in a very serious tone.

Mai's eyes sidled from Natsuki to the Student Council President and back, and a silly grin began to form on her face.

"So I can do that with Mai?" Mikoto demanded.

The silly grin immediately dropped, and Mai went white as a sheet. Natsuki started to twitch even more idiotically.

"Well, Minagi-san," Shizuru said. "It is customary that the two people be of age."

"Oh! Well in that case, Mai and Mikoto will have to wait."

"I believe so."

Mikoto nodded, and then lost interest in the subject, walking over to the windowsill. "I like the view from here!"

Behind her, Mai and Natsuki stared at each other, while Shizuru chuckled.

"Ah, alright, I hope you can come," Mai said nervously.

Seeing that Natsuki was about to growl, _in all the hells, no_, the Student Council President said, "Mai-san, we would be pleased to attend."

"Right!" Mai said a little too loudly, then she flushed. "Alright, let's go Mikoto. Kaichou-san, see you there!"

Just before they left, Mai turned to Natsuki and said with a grin, "Natsuki, I_ am _going to start charging fees!"

And before Natsuki could retaliate, they had disappeared.

Natsuki stared incredulously at her laughing Student Council President. "Shi-Shizuru!"

But then, Shizuru, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, grabbed her.

And resumed what had been interrupted.

So in the end, she did not really mind. Actually, it was more because it was getting very hard to think with Shizuru... With Shizuru-

Her last coherent thought was...

It was true. Love was not that bad after all.

-FIN-


	11. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Whew! It's been a wild ride!!!

Thank you so much for your kind comments and feedback. I feel very happy knowing that my words had effect on you.

I had wished to thank everybody who had reviewed and commented, but again, real life is taking a very big toll on me!

I am making a career change that should eventually enable me to slack around more and write (haha) while kayaking.

I apologise for not being able to respond personally to reviewers, but please know that each time you reviewed, you made me feel very happy.

I just broke up with somebody (don't worry, I'm fine now, although it really, really sucked), and I've learnt a lot more about myself and why people work, as well different nuances of emotion.

So expect more emotional ouches in the next few stories... Hehe, sorry, but I know you all like it in the end, judging from your reviews.

Again, thank you! Just a quick promo- "Being With Her" is in the works grins.

Regards,

asthalanthil


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